The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Tag: winners

Announcing the winners of the “Find Me” book giveaway…

I am thrilled to announce the five randomly selected winners for the Find Me If You Can! book giveaway I posted last week!

Their names are listed in the Rafflecopter widget below:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Congratulations, guys! I know your kids are going to love this book as much as Bucket Head and Mini-Me do! Be on the lookout for an email from me with details on how to claim your prize.

Not a winner?

Awwwww…don’t think like that, Boo. You’re a winner just for being here and learning about this book before it goes viral and everyone and their mother already has 3 copies. Don’t you love feeling like one of the first people to hear about something cool? I know I do. BOOOYAH!

Besides, you can still get 10% off your entire order at Bammco.net by using my super secret promo code BUCKETHEAD. But hurry, that code is going to expire this Saturday at midnight. So don’t delay.

And if you’re just joining us and don’t know what all the fuss is about, check out my video review of this wonderful new book that your kids are going to love. You’ll be glad you did.

Thanks everyone!

Craft Whores – The Wieners!

It’s time! It’s time!

It’s finally time to announce the wieners (a.k.a. winners) of our Craft Whores Contest!

But first, special thanks once again to our wonderful judges for all the time and energy they invested in judging your whorishness. Thank you Robin, Jen, and Kathy! You made the judging process so much more fun (and legitimate). Price Waterhouse has nothing on you bitches.

We also want to take the time to thank our generous sponsors for their prizes and willingness to support such an “unorthodox” venture. Each click on the sponsors below is a vote for the awesomeness of inappropriate humor. (Listen up, big brands.)

 

FunnynotSlutty

Alright, are you ready for some wieners? (If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that…)

For “Best in Ho,” (our equivalent of overall best) the entry that dazzled us in every way, including craftsmanship, beauty, practicality, vagizness, and overall WOW factor was hands down, The Vagina Muses by Leigh Jackson of Sass Queen Ceramics.

The Muses of Love, Grace & Forgiveness

Leigh will receive a $100 gift certificate to use however she pleases in the WeShop at In The Powder Room.com and also our original Craft Whores logo cross stitch by The Suniverse. Congratulations, Leigh. You can view more of Leigh’s beautiful ceramics here.

For “Most Original,” the entry that wowed, aroused, and educated us the most was Marsha’s Sex Ed Lamps made from repurposed Sex Education slides (three cheers for hoarders!) and desk lamps on clearance from Target (HOLLA)! Holy cow do I wish I could buy these for my son’s Scout hut. You have to go and read Marsha’s captions. Just make sure you don’t have any beverages in your mouth. You’ve been warned.

“Boom Goes the Dynamite” says Marsha, and we couldn’t agree more.

Marsha has won a $50 gift certificate to EdenFantasys and the quite fetching vulva tissue box coozy from Uknit2.

Our “Most Anatomically Correct” prize goes to Ellen of Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms. Ellen, that $85,000 worth of medical school? So worth it. We love that this kitchen twine dispenser is practical, beautiful, a conversation piece, and a potentially useful teaching tool for those impromptu sex ed conversations that always seem to happen in the kitchen during dinner prep. Also, bonus points for bravery. According to Judge Robin, “I like that she was embarrassed by it but did it anyway. Yay for bravery!”

The dangling “Imagine” Vajewelry is my favorite part!

 

Ellen has won a craft basket valued at $50 from Funny Not Slutty as well as this adorable “Queen Bee-otch” painting from our newest sponsor, Cool Bees Artwork and Gifts in Alpharetta, Georgia!

Lastly, we had to invent a new category in order to honor the jaw-dropping fabulousness that was this next entry.

Folks, our award for “Most Jizztastic” goes to the Fifty Shades of Grey Ice Cream with Pearl Necklace Swirl by Logy Express. We are simultaneously horrified, fascinated, and oddly, hungry for ice cream by this emission submission. (Seriously. Can’t. Look. Away.) Or in the ever eloquent words of Judge Robin: “SUPER BONUS POINTS FOR TRIGGERING THE GAG REFLEX.”

And holy beautiful photography too! Logy Express has won a $25 gift certificate to Subversive Cross Stitch and an original “Vive La Deez Nuts” (see what we did there?) by Robin Plemmons.

We’d also like to give a shout-out to Robyn of Hollow Tree Ventures for what we thought was the “Funniest Post” about her Places We’ve “Done It” Scrapbook. Robyn, there is a “Hillblingy” Goblet coming your way!

For “Most Practical (in the event of a blizzard or if you’re one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers)” we really enjoyed Dearest Debi’s Average Joe Willy Warmers. Debi, for future reference, I would have enjoyed them even more if you had photographed them being modeled by Gilles Marini or Gerard Butler. Debi, we hope you enjoy the beautiful clay vulva votive holder that Lady Estrogen has so generously donated to our cause.

And lastly, three “Honorable Mentions” because we can:

Lady Estrogen’s Clay Vulva Votive Holder. I hope she will make more and sell them because I for one would like to give those as teacher gifts this holiday season.

The “Whip Me, Beat Me, Eat Me” aprons by Scents, Love, Rock N Roll. We loved how simple, crafty, and “whore-y” these aprons are. And the hot chicks modeling them made them extra easy on the eye.

The Leather Vulva Gear Knob Cover by Wub Boo Mummy. What a lovely gift she made for her Bro-in-Law! Also loved her hilarious post and photo of her pervy Internet search history.

Ladies, you will each be receiving a hand painted Breathe Mother Fucker magnet by Robin Plemmons. May you proudly display them on your refrigerators in good health.

We’ll be in touch with all the winners via email so we can mail you your prizes ASAP.

As promised, we made badges for all the participants and winners! (Because we love you and we’re fucking awesome.)

Whether you’re a Badass Mofo, a Wiener, you’re twisted, or you just want to brag about the fact that “you went there,” we’ve got a badge for you. Go here and take your pick!

With hot glue, sleep deprivation, and whorish affection,
Leslie

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