The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Tag: shopping

We just can’t CONTAIN our enthusiasm…

I took Mini-Me to The Container Store with me yesterday for the first time, and this is pretty much the look on her face the entire time we were there.

Can’t say as I blame her. That’s what I look like when I’m shopping there too. I guess life really is more FUN when you’re organized. Who knew? Unless FUN is one of those wacky professional organizer acronyms like PROCESS. Oh my God, what if FUN means “Frumpy Underachieving Neurotic.” That wouldn’t be good. I don’t think I want to be more of any of those.

Seriously though, that place is amazing. It makes me want to containerize my containers. Even the people who work there are fanatical. You know that crazy “Target Lady” on SNL (as played by the hilarious Kirsten Wiig)? Her twin sister was working the checkout.

Hand to God, the lady who rang up my goodies became partially apoplectic when the customer ahead of me returned a special organizer rack for hangers. HANGERS. She was all: “Oh my GOSH, you’re returning THIS? BUT WHY?!!! I LOVE THIS!” It was kind of cute, actually. I truly enjoy seeing anyone enjoy their job that much. That kind of enthusiasm is just contagious, isn’t it?

By the way, I have an organizer for hangers too… it’s called a closet rod. I guess I’m not as into organizing as I thought I was.

Wishing you abundant enthusiasm and joy, today and everyday!


© Copyright 2011, The Bearded Iris.

Dirty Girl

My five year old daughter, Klepto, announced a few days ago that she needed new tennis shoes. Great. Good Lord, kids are such money-pits, aren’t they?

So, wanting to be a good mother, and suspecting that the ancient art of foot-binding probably doesn’t fit with that notion in the U-S-of-A,  I loaded up the minivan and took the whole brood to the outlet mall after school. Not my favorite thing to do during happy hour.  Personally, I would rather donate a cornea than go shopping with children.  

Well, being that Klepto is indeed my mini-me, I immediately realized why I had procrastinated for so long about getting her some new shoes.  Somewhere between the second and the third shoe store, I suddenly had flashbacks of shoe shopping as a child.  I remember it so clearly now!  My Dad would take me on a Saturday and I would be sitting there on the bench, about 20 boxes of shoes forming a semi-circle around me, and one very exasperated looking shoe salesman waiting for a decision.  My Dad, never a very patient man, was giving me the stink-eye; silently willing me to hurry-up-and-just-fucking-pick-one, because if I didn’t choose something RIGHT NOW, there would be no new shoes. My Mom probably delegated the shoe shopping chore to Dad because she had a low pain threshold and knew that if anyone could frighten me out of my indecisiveness, it would be my Dad.  Hmmmm, indecisiveness, major symptom of ADD.  See, even then.  

Fast forward thirty-some years and there we were, Klepto, Nature Boy, Bucket Head, and me.  And we were in our fourth shoe store at the outlet mall. Bucket Head (the toddler) was getting restless. “The Witching Hour” was upon us, and me without an Elmo’s World video and my cocktail. I was losing steam quickly. Don’t you just hate when store clerks glare at you just because your kids are touching every single item in the store with their boogery fingers and your baby is smashing and throwing Goldfish crackers on the floor? So rude. Mothers are customers too, ya know. I have money to spend, people. Don’t fuck with the Mommy…I’ll take my husband’s credit cards elsewhere.  

My poor daughter.  She was not being difficult on purpose. She just knows what she wants and knows how to get it. I admire her so much for her free spirit, and fashion sense, and fortitude.  She finally found the pair she liked….they were cute AND comfy.  Cha-ching.  Here is what they looked like the next morning on her way out the door for school:

Cute, right?  And look how sassy she is pairing them with a big floral printed dress! Totally her idea.

So I thought we were in the clear. New shoes? Check. Happy child? Check. Twenty five dollars gone from my wallet? Check. Oh, not so fast, Grasshoppah.  

Klepto got home from school 8 hours later. Her new shoes were a huge hit with the other kindergarteners and she felt like a rock star. Plus, they made her run SO FAST, that she wanted to keep them on for our trip to a new park to meet some friends that afternoon. Sure honey. Sounds great.

Only one problem…I didn’t realize this park had a pond.

DAMMIT. Less than 24 hours after we bought them.  Look how smart I was, to have her change into play pants too. Even when I think I am on it, I am so clearly not.

Well that is ok. Deep breath. I am nothing if not a highly skilled stain remover. All I need is my handy-dandy Oxy Clean.  Now where is that?…

Wash out your ego every once in a while, as cleanliness is next to godliness
not just in body but in humility as well.
  ~Abbe Yeux-verdi

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