The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Tag: man flu

Public apology, good news, marriage humor, & Steubenville…

So this is the post where I have to publicly apologize to my husband because it wasn’t just the Man-Flu.

DAMMIT.

He had bronchitis.

And ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.

(You’re welcome.)

But The Gatekeeper is on the mend thanks to modern medicine, and we are all so grateful for his improved health (and fewer disgusting noises).

I’m sorry I doubted you, honey.

(But do me a solid and stop getting sick and/or whining so damn much every time you have the sniffles so I’ll believe you next time and get you to the doctor sooner, for fuck sake.)

Moving on.

Hey – last week was CRAZY. Between my sick husband and my birthday (which was awesome, thank you for all the wonderful birthday wishes on Facebook and Twitter!), I also had three posts in other places.

Which is great for me, but a little challenging for you if you want to keep up with me. (And if you do, I thank you from the bottom of my duodenum.)

Kludgy MomI wrote a guest post for Gigi at Kludgy Mom titled “The Catch-22 of Blogging and Social Media.” If you’re not a blogger, go ahead and skip that one (unless you just want to hear some inside scoop about the blogging scene and why so many of us are losing our minds lately.)  It’s been getting lots of great feedback from fellow bloggers and even a lovely shout-out from the head of iBlog Magazine:

Screen Shot 2013-03-25 at 10.07.54 AM

He said “fantastic read.” OMG. How sweet is he?! Thanks Matt! Oh wait…is it because I mentioned my nipples twice?

Huh.

Hey, whatever it takes. I’m just using what the Good Lord gave me: my wits. Don’t judge.

Read Me In the Powder Room!

I was also In The Powder Room three different times.

First, here, sharing some awesome news about several of the In The Powder Room writers (including myself).

Then, for my regular weekly column, I wrote a humor piece titled A brief history of marriage vows, which made me laugh out loud while I was writing it (always a good sign).

And finally, I wrote this round up of what I thought were the most powerful articles on the WWW last week concerning the Steubenville rape case. Not a light read, and a trigger alert is definitely in order if you decide to read some of the posts I’ve highlighted. But it’s such an important topic and one that we really must tackle head-on if we want to make any improvements as a society toward ending the rape culture that unfortunately exists today.

Busy week, I know.

It’s really rather unlike me to be so prolific. Usually I’m too busy moving piles of stuff from one room to another to get so much done, but I guess my new light box is kicking in.

Now if only I could channel all that energy toward finishing my bathroom remodel or removing the hair from my toes for sandal season.

Nah.

It’s way more fun to blog about sick husbands and dirty priests and nipples.

Speaking of fun things to do on the Internet, I just so happened upon this conversation on Twitter the other day…

#Hilarious.

As you were.

-Leslie

I’m using art to cope with my husband’s Man-Flu

Leslie The Bearded Iris as a fed-up cartoon wife via Bitstrips on Facebook Man-Flu.

Twice in one month.

Do you feel me, ladies?

I could just stop there and know you’d all be like, “Aw HAYLE NO. We’re starting a vacation fund for you.”

But I’m going to tap into my pain like a true artist and really explore my feelings through a variety of creative outlets…

Like drawing:

Man flu through the eyes of The Bearded Iris

And haiku:

Husband sick…again.
But God said “Thou shalt not kill.”
I wish I were gay.

For real. Lesbians are smart. They can share clothes and hair products, and purchase their tampons by the cubic ton, and their bathrooms are much easier to clean. (Seriously, Ellen, call me.)

I’m actually not as heartless as I may seem.

In fact, just ask my husband! I am a picture of the perfect wife every time he is on the verge of dying from excess mucus under the weather…

dealing with man-flu

Source: Pinterest

I guess instead of wishing he’d just shove a manpon* into his achy mangina, I should be thankful for the material, because all his hacking and moaning have inspired me to research and write about the origins of marriage vows In The Powder Room today—in the unique form of two medieval priests having a conversation over beers (which was surprisingly fun to write). Because if I don’t find the funny, I will be drawing sad little stick figures in a maximum security cell block with no hope for parole.

So, go. Read. And pray for my husband’s health and my sanity. We both thank you.

With Love and Lysol,
Leslie

*Special thanks to my editorial consultant Angela who makes me laugh daily and teaches me words like manpon and mangina.

PS – I asked my husband if he would be okay with me making fun of his Man-Flu on my blog and he said it was fine, but that if he goes to the doctor and finds out he has The Bubonic Plague, I am going to have to issue a public apology. I’ll take that risk.

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