The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Tag: in the powder room (page 1 of 13)

Don’t look back? Don’t tell me what to do.

It’s a widely known fact (i.e. “pin-worthy” quote) that one of the main reasons people give up on their dreams is because they focus on how far they still have to go instead of how far they’ve already come.

Or for you visual learners…

Look behind you, you're more awesome than you realize! from "Don't look back? Don't tell me what to do," by The Bearded Iris

You do it too, right? Continue reading

Press Release: The Bearded Iris acquires In the Powder Room

Psst. You guys. Big news!


Press Contact:

Author, Blogger, and Editor Leslie Marinelli Acquires Online Women’s Magazine and Publishing Company,

ATLANTA, April 8, 2014 – Popular online women’s magazine (“ITPR”) was acquired this week by Hold My Purse Productions LLC, a company owned by ITPR’s former Editor-in-Chief, Leslie Marinelli, an author, speaker, editor, and award-winning blogger. Continue reading

Ketchup is a Vegetable by Robin O’Bryant

Have I ever told you about my friend Robin O’Bryant?

We met online a couple of years ago through mutual friends and hit it off like peanut butter and chocolate. When we finally met in person at a blogging conference it felt like coming home, minus the piles of clutter and that wet dog smell.

Ketchup Front cover 200

Robin and I have the kind of relationship where I can text her questions like “Bucket Head says his butthole is itchy. I’m scared,” and she’ll text back sage advice like “Whatever you do, DO NOT Google Pinworms,” and then digitally hold me while I reply, “Too late. OMG. MY EYES!!” Continue reading

A new way to use my crazy for good at school!

Ever since the year I was an overachieving (see: pill-popping) Kindergarten room mom, I tend to steer clear of volunteering at school. I’ve just found that my kids do better on their own without me being there to, you know, ask questions like “So is the Principal Pal thing rigged, or what? Who do I have to throw some Benjamins at to get one of those frickin’ magnets on my car?”

But you know me, I like to help. I’m just much better behind the scenes: pulling weeds in the school’s butterfly garden, or sending in canned goods, or selling my soul to the devil in exchange for the last existing yellow poly folder with pockets AND prongs in the western hemisphere.

One year I found that the best way I could help was by sharpening all of our teacher’s classroom pencils every weekend. (Those poor teachers have THE WORST pencil sharpeners in their classrooms!) My oldest son Vince would bring home a baggie full of about 100 dull pencils every Friday and I would zone out and reflect on my deep thoughts over the sound of my professional grade X-ACTO whirring away. Very therapeutic. I like my pencils like I like my men: tall, sharp, and with a big, firm, pink… eraser on the end. Ew, what did you think I was going to say?

This year will now forever be remembered as the year my child was finally rewarded for my hoarding tendencies. 

That’s right, people. The stars have aligned and Mini-Me’s math teacher sent out an email this week asking parents to save twist-on bottle caps for a future project.

Uh, like these?

It finally pays to be a hoarder by The Bearded Iris


My sweet child came home all aglow yesterday because apparently I was the only parent to reply to that teacher’s email.

See? We all have our own unique gifts and ways that we can serve others. Mine just so happen to involve repetitive tasks and the DSM-IV. Whatevs. You say PTA, I say PTSD. God bless us, every one.  

So that’s what’s new around here.

But elsewhere…

I overshare on the Internet

Last week I was invited to write this for about moms who “overshare” on the Internet. And apparently it struck a nerve with some people. Granted, I’m not licking my own face repeatedly or slapping my nekkid butt cheeks all up on a gyrating Footlocker employee’s man meat, but still—this article garnered the second ugliest comment I’ve ever received in the five years I’ve been doing this blogging thing. (Which you cannot read because it was not published. As a general rule, the only assholes I pay any attention to whatsoever are my own and my children’s.)

I’m also very excited to be making my debut at Bonbon Break this week to share some of the behind the scenes pinnacles and pitfalls of the whole self-publishing experience. Please check it out!

I hope your Labor Day weekend is everything you need for it to be, times two, with a side of Come Back Sauce, and a free kitten.

Yours truly,


Three cheers for boobs!

Who doesn’t love boobies?!

NOBODY, that’s who.

I myself am a big fan, as you probably already know, based on the number of blog posts and now a bestselling short story I’ve written about my yaboes.

In fact, I interrupt this blog post for an important message: BREASTS ARE BEAUTIFUL. Big or small, (or in my case—one of each), old or new, shaken or stirred, boobs rock. And nobody, I mean NOBODY, can tell me otherwise.

Which is why I am so disturbed about women being told to stop breastfeeding in public.

The following is my opinion about breasts, nursing, and Chick-fil-A-Holes. Warning, there is bad language (from me) and shockingly offensive intolerance (from others). Read at your own risk.

Continue reading

Do I have lipstick on my teeth?

Look, we’ve been friends for a long time, right?

Five years to the day, to be exact. (I know, right?!)

And you’d tell me if I had lipstick on my teeth, wouldn’t you?

Leslie Has Lipstick on Her Teeth2

You would! I know you would. Which is why I like you so much. And I’d totally do the same for you. We’re cool like that.

So now that we’ve got that out of the way, I have a big announcement to make. Two big announcements, actually:

First, I am completely giddy to announce that I am the editor and co-author of a brand new humor anthology by women, about women, published by my amazing team at In The Powder Room. (Mad props to Di, our CEO, and Kim, our Social Media Manager, for their incredible hard work and brilliance.)

ERMAHGERD I edited a book

You should buy one. Actually, buy a few. Makes a great gift!

This future best-seller* features 39 absolutely awesome short stories by some of the wittiest female writers I could wrangle. And I’m not just saying that because I wrote one of the chapters. (It’s about my boobs. Of course it is.)

(*This is me, using “The Secret” to let the Universe know my intentions. I’ll let you know if it works.)

Truthfully, creating this book has completely consumed me for the last few months, and I could not be more proud of the results. In fact, releasing it into the world today was an awful lot like giving birth, a comparison I have detailed in my column In The Powder Room today. (Spoiler alert: poop and swearing.)


So that’s what I did my summer vacation.

Which brings me to big announcement number two:

(Heh heh heh, I said number two.)

My children returned to school today. And I’m truly grateful… not for my own selfish reasons (entirely), but because those poor little lambs have totally raised themselves this summer while I devoted myself night and day to every little phase of this spectacular book. So, I’m thrilled for them that they can finally stop trying to kill each other and put their brains back into use. Yay kids! Go forth and learn stuff!

Actually, if I’m being totally honest, today is a little bittersweet for me. I am finally out from under the weight of this enormous project and *should* theoretically have a little breathing room to do things like, oh, I don’t know, play a rousing game of Uno or go to the pool and actually swim with the kids instead of checking email and proof reading manuscripts, but it’s too late… they are gone. 

Yep. Just go ahead and cue up Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s in the Cradle.”


Oh God. I’m sorry. It’s not like me to be so sappy… I think I’m just in that touchy post-partum phase. Look away. Nothing to see here.

You know what I need? A nap. And some more coffee. And to go smell the pages OF MY NEW BOOK!

You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth the book delivery by The Bearded Iris

Happy feelings back!

You know you want some of this. Click the picture below and all your dreams will come true. Or all my dreams. Details.

You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth via @InThePowderRoom #ITPRLipstick


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