The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Tag: feelings

Xanax makes me a better blogger

I’m cashing in on sensationalist headlines In The Powder Room today, musing about all the things I could/should/would do to be a better blogger. Spoiler alert: drugs.

Because…Judy Collins songs.

And: “Top Blogger” gladiator-style blood baths.

Plus: FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). Dear sweet Jesus in a viral video…feelings are hard!

Also, PIN-FRIENDLY GRAPHICS! 

Xanax Makes Me a Better Blogger by Leslie The Bearded Iris In The Powder Room

So basically, whether you’re a blogger, know and love a blogger, or are so sick of bloggers you want to shove them all into a wood chipper and spray your snow covered lawn with their bloody pulp…this post is for you. I feel you, Dawg. I feel you long and hard.

With love and a paper bag over my head to deal with the anxiety (and haircut),
Leslie

The Wheels on The Bus Go Sob Sob Sob {Sniffle}

I have been waiting for this moment for exactly 2,226 days…

 

…ever since that fateful day in July of 2006 when I peed on a stick and discovered the light at the end of the tunnel was not as close as I had previously thought.

 

 

And now, instead of dancing a jig and wailing “FREEEEEEDOM” a la William Wallace over Mimosas with my girlfriends, I am rocking in the fetal position and smelling the tags of Bucket Head’s comfort turtle, wondering where the past 5 and 1/2 years went and if I can talk The Gatekeeper into reversing his vasectomy.

So really, please look away. There is nothing to see here today.

 

 

But if you need a good hearty belly laugh, please go visit my beloved blogging sister Kim at Let Me Start by Saying. She has chronicled in brilliantly graphic detail one of my least favorite moments from BlogHer ’12. It is an absolute must read.

Yours truly, and missing my baby,
Leslie

And that’s how I cope with jealousy.

Well it’s Tuesday, so you know what that means: I’m over In The Powder Room over-sharing about something vapid like the approximate muscle tone of other women’s nut crackers.

It’s not much, but it’s what I do.

Also, I may have coined another fabulous new word for vaginas, so go check it out.

But see you back here tomorrow for Wordless WTF Where’s My Kid? Watusi Wednesday. I’m obviously on a roll. Just go with it, m’kay?

expressing pent up feelings so you don’t have to,

-Iris

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