This week’s Listography over at Kate Takes 5 is called “Now That’s What I Call Music!”

No, this weeks Listography isn’t your Top 5 favourite bands or Top 5 albums. It isn’t your favourite musical genres or most admired soloists. No, this weeks Listography is confession time.

First 5 albums you ever owned.

SWEET! I do loves me some classic tunes, as evidenced in my awesome dance moves to KC and the Sunshine Band last week. Hmmm, let’s see….

1.) It was 1977 and I was the proud owner my very first single: “Da Doo Ron Ron” by Shaun Cassidy.

I was only 7 years old, but I thought he was the bee’s knees. I mean come on… look at that kisser. Oh how I wanted to change my name to Jill! Yep, I was pretty sweet on that Hardy Boy for a minute there, but it didn’t last. Something was missing…

2.) Fast forward two years to 1979. My parents’ divorce was final and the disco era was in full swing. (I don’t think the two are unrelated.) I had outgrown my infatuation with squeaky-clean teen heartthrobs and was eager to graduate to something with a little more, oh I don’t know… verve. I had some money burning a whole in my little Sassoon jeans and I wanted desperately to own something by that hunka-hunka-burnin’-love, Barry Gibb, the foxy lead singer of The Bee Gees. Only problem was, I didn’t know his full name. Thus, under the supervision of a clueless teenage babysitter, I went into a record store and inadvertently purchased a copy of this:


That’s right. Not Barry Gibb…. Barry WHITE. “The Maestro.” A.k.a. “The Walrus of Love,” a nickname that encompassed his corpulent size, his deep voice, and his reputation as R&B’s most romantic ladies’ man.

I’m not a gambling woman, but I would wager my last nickel that I was the only 9 year old white suburban girl in the history of the world to ever buy a Barry White album. And let me tell you something, when I got that LP home and put it on my record player, it was devastating. Hearing that shockingly sultry bass “Can’t get enough of your love, babe” voice instead of the high-pitched falsetto “Well you can tell by the way I use my walk…” I was expecting, created a sense of sadness and confusion I cannot begin to describe. On the plus side, a soulful seed was planted that would influence my music tastes for the rest of my life.

Just so we’re clear…

I wanted this:

 

But I accidentally got this:

 

And became the only Barry White album owner in America
who looked like this:

(I like how all three of us have basically the same hairstyle.)

Don’t let my “girl next door” look fool you.
Apparently once you go black, you never go back.

3.) So anyway, it took a long time to get over that mistake and the curious stares from my parents. But later that year, a friend of the family took pity on me and bought me a copy of “Breakfast in America” by Supertramp.

I enjoyed it. It was catchy…. albeit a little white for my taste, and not Barry White, if you get my drift.

4.) Thankfully it wasn’t long until I discovered “Celebration” by Kool and The Gang.

My third grade teacher, Mrs. Andrianos, let us bring records to school once a week to share with the class and I must have brought this one every week for the entire year. Any 9 year old can bring an apple for the teacher, but it takes a special child to bring the funk.

5.) That was the same year (1980) I discovered my reason for living…

Diana Ross, The Supreme Diva…be still my heart. I sang along with “Upside Down” and “I’m Coming Out” until I wore a hole in that LP. To this day, I cannot hear either of those songs without grabbing the nearest microphone-shaped-object and doing my own little Diana-Ross-wanna-be-dance. When I saw her on Oprah earlier this year I cried. I cried even before Oprah cried. If you and I are ever at a karaoke bar together and I am good and hammered, you know what to do if you want to see me make a gigantic ass out of myself (more so than usual, that is).

I know this listography is limited to 5 albums, but in full disclosure, you should know that apparently Diana Ross was merely a gateway drug for the next few critical years of my musical development…

Well thanks for coming along with me on this musical journey down memory lane. If you enjoyed this little sideshow, go see what the other crazy kids who linked up to Kate Takes 5 shared for their Listographies. My word, the things you can learn about a person!

Until we meet again,

-Iris

© Copyright 2011, The Bearded Iris.