It’s time! It’s time!
It’s finally time to announce the wieners (a.k.a. winners) of our Craft Whores Contest!
But first, special thanks once again to our wonderful judges for all the time and energy they invested in judging your whorishness. Thank you Robin, Jen, and Kathy! You made the judging process so much more fun (and legitimate). Price Waterhouse has nothing on you bitches.
We also want to take the time to thank our generous sponsors for their prizes and willingness to support such an “unorthodox” venture. Each click on the sponsors below is a vote for the awesomeness of inappropriate humor. (Listen up, big brands.)
Alright, are you ready for some wieners? (If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that…)
For “Best in Ho,” (our equivalent of overall best) the entry that dazzled us in every way, including craftsmanship, beauty, practicality, vagizness, and overall WOW factor was hands down, The Vagina Muses by Leigh Jackson of Sass Queen Ceramics.
Leigh will receive a $100 gift certificate to use however she pleases in the WeShop at In The Powder Room.com and also our original Craft Whores logo cross stitch by The Suniverse. Congratulations, Leigh. You can view more of Leigh’s beautiful ceramics here.
For “Most Original,” the entry that wowed, aroused, and educated us the most was Marsha’s Sex Ed Lamps made from repurposed Sex Education slides (three cheers for hoarders!) and desk lamps on clearance from Target (HOLLA)! Holy cow do I wish I could buy these for my son’s Scout hut. You have to go and read Marsha’s captions. Just make sure you don’t have any beverages in your mouth. You’ve been warned.
Our “Most Anatomically Correct” prize goes to Ellen of Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms. Ellen, that $85,000 worth of medical school? So worth it. We love that this kitchen twine dispenser is practical, beautiful, a conversation piece, and a potentially useful teaching tool for those impromptu sex ed conversations that always seem to happen in the kitchen during dinner prep. Also, bonus points for bravery. According to Judge Robin, “I like that she was embarrassed by it but did it anyway. Yay for bravery!”
Lastly, we had to invent a new category in order to honor the jaw-dropping fabulousness that was this next entry.
Folks, our award for “Most Jizztastic” goes to the Fifty Shades of Grey Ice Cream with Pearl Necklace Swirl by Logy Express. We are simultaneously horrified, fascinated, and oddly, hungry for ice cream by this
emission submission. (Seriously. Can’t. Look. Away.) Or in the ever eloquent words of Judge Robin: “SUPER BONUS POINTS FOR TRIGGERING THE GAG REFLEX.”
We’d also like to give a shout-out to Robyn of Hollow Tree Ventures for what we thought was the “Funniest Post” about her Places We’ve “Done It” Scrapbook. Robyn, there is a “Hillblingy” Goblet coming your way!
For “Most Practical (in the event of a blizzard or if you’re one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers)” we really enjoyed Dearest Debi’s Average Joe Willy Warmers. Debi, for future reference, I would have enjoyed them even more if you had photographed them being modeled by Gilles Marini or Gerard Butler. Debi, we hope you enjoy the beautiful clay vulva votive holder that Lady Estrogen has so generously donated to our cause.
And lastly, three “Honorable Mentions” because we can:
Lady Estrogen’s Clay Vulva Votive Holder. I hope she will make more and sell them because I for one would like to give those as teacher gifts this holiday season.
The “Whip Me, Beat Me, Eat Me” aprons by Scents, Love, Rock N Roll. We loved how simple, crafty, and “whore-y” these aprons are. And the hot chicks modeling them made them extra easy on the eye.
The Leather Vulva Gear Knob Cover by Wub Boo Mummy. What a lovely gift she made for her Bro-in-Law! Also loved her hilarious post and photo of her pervy Internet search history.
We’ll be in touch with all the winners via email so we can mail you your prizes ASAP.
As promised, we made badges for all the participants and winners! (Because we love you and we’re fucking awesome.)
Whether you’re a Badass Mofo, a Wiener, you’re twisted, or you just want to brag about the fact that “you went there,” we’ve got a badge for you. Go here and take your pick!
With hot glue, sleep deprivation, and whorish affection,