The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Tag: blog conferences

Confessions of a blog conference pariah

It started off so great. I had tallied the word “vagina” 13 times and it wasn’t even halfway through the first day of the conference. These were clearly my people! 

But throughout the day, I could feel my voice starting to falter. And by mid-afternoon, it was completely gone.

And then—oh no—the session leader wanted us to go around the table and introduce ourselves.

Shit.

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How to Choose the Perfect Conference Roommate

Aiming Low Non-Conference

I’m on my way to the Aiming Low Non-Conference to chill with some of the funniest bloggers on the planet. I’m pretty excited about it too. Something tells me this crowd is going to be much more receptive to and appreciative of my unique and unconventional greeting style.

Yep. I’ve already packed my Depends and my vintage disco pantsuit, and I’ll be on my way shortly.

Fortunately for me, I have the privilege of rooming with my Internet wife, The Suniverse. We roomed together for the first time at BlogHer ’12 last August and we turned out to be like peanut butter and jelly. Frankly, she was the single best part of that conference experience for me. Without having her to giggle with until the wee hours every morning, I’m not so sure I would have survived my first mega conference. Particularly after that one elevator ride from hell.

But I haven’t always been so lucky.

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How to break the ice at a blog conference.

I’m on my way into the big city today for my second day of the Haven Conference. It’s a blog conference specifically geared at DIY/Home blogs and it’s been an absolute HOOT so far. These women are incredible. For such a creative group, they sure have great business minds. I have met so many warm and engaging ladies who are beyond generous with sharing their knowledge and talents.

This has been a great conference for me…nice and small, local so I can sleep at home, and very inspiring. I’m so glad my friends, Kerry of HouseTalkN’ and Kristy of Living Life (Un) Simply, talked me into going with them! {Love love love!} They are even more fun in person than they are on Twitter, if you can even imagine.

Kerry texted me the day before the conference and said “You are in charge of keeping me from making an ass of myself, btw…”

Surely she must have meant to send that to someone else. I’m more of an ass-enabler than an ass-preventer, as you can probably tell.

Kerry is a HOOT.

Yep. That’s Kerry. And that’s just how she greets Internet friends. Can you imagine what her family reunions look like?

Kerry’s also a former teacher, and she gladly conducts impromptu workshops on things like ambush dancing, unconventional greeting phrases like “You’re so cute, I just want to breast-feed you,” and all the latest gang symbols.

That there little gesture can mean a variety of things…like “form a diamond defense” in basketball,” or “does this dress accentuate my flesh belt?” According to one gal Kerry knows, it is also the international sign for vagina. Hey, the more you know. So ladies, if you ever find yourself in a setting where it would be considered uncouth to use anatomically correct Latin-based terminology, like, oh I don’t know, the Michigan House of Representatives, you can always just flash this hand signal instead.

Or just do what I do and try to work the word vagina into as many conversations as possible.

“Hi, I’m Leslie! No, I’m not really a DIY blogger, unless you include the DIY tips I share about vaginas. Oooh, I love your bag! Did you sew that?! Do you sell those? I used to sew, but then I had kids. Now I can’t even find a pair a scissors when I need them. Sometimes I fix stuff around my house like refrigerators. What’s your blog about?”

See? It’s easy. And totally not offensive. It’s just a body part like any other…knee, eye, vagina. I honestly do not understand what the big whoop is. Vagina, vagina, vagina.

Vagina.

Okay, gotta go. Don’t want to be late for day two! Vagina.

your friend,
Leslie

PS – my comments are closed for the summer, but you can chat me up on Twitter and Facebook, and please do! I miss you guys. Vagina.

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