The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

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Quit staring at my shuttlecock, ya perv.

Well, it’s Spring Break in these parts, and we’re staycationing this year…again. Spring Break travel requires much more advanced planning than I am ever able to successfully do, so here we are.

Home sweet…holy shit, is there a wasps’ nest in our new screened porch? Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of having a screened porch? Awesome.  

But we’ve already made it halfway through the week without major incident, which is pretty good for us. Continue reading

The road not taken…by my kid…on the can

I just found a dried booger on my shower curtain.

It’s about two feet off the ground, on the outside of the curtain, right next to the toilet in my kids’ bathroom.

After three kids, very little surprises me, and yet—there is something intriguing about the decision making process that went into this random little DNA deposit.

Picture this, if you will… Continue reading

Romance Writers Do It with Enthusiasm

lipstickSo it turns out our mothers were right about never leaving the house without lipstick. “You never know who you’re going to meet!”

Of course, they were probably talking about actual lipstick and not my book, “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth,” but I’m all about the loose interpretation.

Thus, with “Lipstick” in hand, I met Sally Kilpatrick six months ago on a busy street corner. No, no…it wasn’t like that. It was at the Decatur Book Festival, and Sally was manning the booth for the Georgia Romance Writers. Turned out she was the group’s president and the next thing I knew, she booked me to keynote one of their monthly meetings. (I may have begged. Details.)

And that’s how I wound up presenting “What’s So Funny? Twelve Tips for Injecting Humor into Your Writing,” last Saturday to about 60 of the most enthusiastic and warm-hearted writers you could ever meet. No surprise, really…I mean, these people write romance novels; they know a thing or two about making a person feel all warm and tingly, if you know what I mean. {WINK!}

Y’all…those sexy bitches may have ruined me. Continue reading

Snowpocalypse, the State of Blogging, and Sausage Fest

Let’s make this quick. (That’s what he said).

I’m on day four of the Atlanta Snowpocalypse, so you already know I’ve got my hands full.

My kids have been home from school since noon on Tuesday when the snow started to fall. Boy, howdy—they do love the snow.

Brothers in the snow Continue reading

…and that’s why I don’t make handmade gifts anymore.

Once upon a time, I was a serial crafter.

I love making things. All kinds of things. Always have.

Earliest crafting memory? When I was about 7-years-old my mom signed me up for a Saturday morning holiday ornament class at the local craft store. I’ve been a craftaholic ever since.

Why, of course I still have those ornaments! Aren’t you adorable to ask! (#hoarder)

This first one was made from a tuna can. Honest to Pete. Nothing says “Welcome Baby Jesus!” like the lingering redolence of Chicken of the Sea…


Continue reading

Hey kids, don’t stick your tongues in there, m’kay?


As part of a new series we’ll call The Best of The Bearded Iris, the following is my most popular post of 2013 (originally published January 9, 2013). 

Happy New Year, friends. Stay warm today! 


Damn. Parenting is hard.

Every day is a veritable obstacle course of responsibilities and decisions.

And just when you feel like you’ve gotten one part of parenting down because nobody got a cavity this year or burned down the house with their new chemistry set, something else goes horribly wrong. It’s the Murphy’s Law of Parenting.  Continue reading

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