Have you seen my tweezers?
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Hi, I'm Iris. Welcome to my blog!
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I’m kvelling!
Don’t get up. I’ll come to you.
Tweets, twits, & twats…
- HOLD UP, it's National Margarita Day? On Ash Wednesday?! I'mma guess the marketing genius behind that is not a Catholic. (So. Thirsty.){Bless her heart.}3 hours ago
- Ewwwww. Why can't someone program the sex bots to understand sarcasm? Good Lord.{Bless her heart.}6 hours ago
- RT @geneweingarten: I love folks who'll embarrass themselves to entertain others. I love @thebeardediris. WATCH VID BEFORE READING. http ...{Bless her heart.}12 hours ago
- Yesterday my daughter had a friend over to play and asked me to "do the robot" dance because I'm "awesome at it!" Best. Day. Ever.{Bless her heart.}14 hours ago
- Now THIS is how you do Mardi Gras as an adult! "how to win friends and influence people at mardi gras" http://t.co/qywnW0T9 by @themuskrat{Bless her heart.}14 hours ago
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I play favorites.
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Recently overshared…
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I get around.
Category Archives: behind the beard
And the battle continues.
My post today is a perfect example of why my husband has been known to say things to me like “It’s really difficult being you, isn’t it?” The demons in my head and I are rocking out In the Powder … Continue reading
Posted in behind the beard
Tagged demons in my head, in the powder room, itpr, poop jokes, vagina
11 Comments
…and that’s how childhood trauma led to my bad ass DIY skills.
It all came rushing back again a few years ago with an absentminded finger poke. I was sitting on the throne in my master bathroom and noticed that the hideous pink and white striped wallpaper was a little bit loose … Continue reading
Another year, another set up for failure.
I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions. Mainly because I’m too tired and hungover on New Year’s Day to start any exciting new regimens. And then on January 2nd I’m saying things like, “Well, it would be a shame to … Continue reading
I’m a better mother on the sauce.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is two-fold today. First, I need your votes for Dobbie writing his name in the snow with his magic yellow pen. I entered him in Baby Rabies’ hilarious Inappropriate Elf Contest! Here … Continue reading
The Golden Rule of Gossip
Pssst. (Slyly turning my head both ways to make sure nobody will overhear.) Can you keep a secret? Meet me In the Powder Room. My weekly column is all about gossip! Just don’t tell anyone, okay? See you over there! … Continue reading
A Case for the Red Vagina
What do fertile primates, aging women, and The Bible Belt have in common? Come read my latest column In the Powder Room today and I’ll tell you. But come on back here tomorrow and I’ll hook you up with your … Continue reading
Penis jokes, stray bullets, and a punch in the face.
…or, how I became a writer. I’ve held a wide variety of jobs in my lifetime. I’ve been a dishwasher, a waitress, a bartender, a nanny, a voiceover artist, and a motivational speaker. I’ve worked in an ice cream shop, … Continue reading
I’m in the Powder Room.
Looking for me? Well, I’m In The Powder Room today, and probably will be all day. All that Halloween candy is taking its toll, if youknowwhatImean. Please visit me there. Those crazy broads actually pay me to write stuff and they’ll … Continue reading
WTF Wednesday: The Very Special Halloween Hangover Edition
{ding dong} You open the door. Here’s what you see: Immediately followed by the sound of my little Bucket Head singing: “Trick-or-Treat! Smell my feet! Give me something good to eat!” Always a crowd pleaser. But did you know there … Continue reading
My Mental Health Journey (Part 2): A Halloween Retrospective
So that was what all of our family Halloweens looked like BBH (before Bucket Head). Once he joined the party in the spring of 2007, things got exponentially more challenging for me. To cope with the extra workload, I bought … Continue reading







