About

Welcome to The Bearded Iris: A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All.

photo credit: Laura Lee Photography

Hi there. My name is Leslie Marinelli and I blog in order to feel like less of an invisible vessel for grandchildren and PTA donations.

One husband, three kids, three pets, and a minivan… you just can’t get any more stereotypical than that. My pet gecko has erectile dysfunction and had one of his penises surgically removed. That’s right, geckos have two baby makers: fun fact for the day.

I’m coming to you live from the ‘burbs of Atlanta where the stay at home moms play to win. I’m a borderline hoarder and a recovering wine-aholic. I have a knack for saying the things most people are smart enough to keep confined to their heads. Never sit next to me at a funeral or a used appliance store.

A few other tidbits you really should know if we’re going to be friends:

I have excessive facial and body hair, but I’m working on it.

My affinity for anatomically correct and/or inappropriate baking makes some people uncomfortable.

I have a low tolerance for Vagisil commercials, Children’s Picture Biblespeople who don’t obey car seat laws, and Jeff Rossen Reports.

I abhor crafting with children and therefore only do very simple and/or questionable crafts with my brood.

photo credit: Laura Lee Photography

It’s very likely that I was dropped on my head as a child.

I’m afraid of old people, things my dog digs up in the yard, and the crazy shit I do for my children on occasion.

I’m a co-author and the editor of a #1 Top-Rated and #1 Best-Selling humor anthology for women called “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.” You should read it. It’s my fourth favorite baby. (Also available FOR ALL THE THINGS.)

Hey, here’s something cool: I was recently named the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop Humor Writer of the Month! Not too shabby! This blog has also won accolades from Circle of Moms, Babble.com, BlogHer, The Huffington Post, and CNN’s HLNtv.com, to name a few.

Yes, I do occasional product reviews. But only if your product is awesome, and only if you don’t mind me being totally honest and using inappropriate humor. Please note: I don’t work for corn dogs. Tell me you have no budget for marketing and I’ll tell you where to stick it.

If you’re looking for me, I’m probably In The Powder Room, where I am the Editor-in-Chief and managing partner.

Thanks for stopping by and wanting to get to know me better! I like you already.

-Leslie

© Copyright 2008-2014, The Bearded Iris. All rights reserved.

 

41 Responses to About

  1. Not Drowning Mother says:

    Snap! We shall have to start a mutual appreciation society with a secret handshake and everything. I don’t know how I managed to come across your blog but I’m glad I did – you make me laugh!

  2. Emfine says:

    Browsing Facebook on a random snow day in North Texas I see an advertisement on the side of the screen for The Bearded Iris. The picture is undeniably an old friend from The Ellis School. You are as funny as I remember. So nice to see you here. I look forward to reading more!

    • The Bearded Iris says:

      Oh my gosh – Emily! What a great surprise! Thank you for recognizing me and reading my crazy ramblings. A snow day in North Texas, eh?! Hope it passes quickly for you, and/or that you have a good supply of wine.

      Wonderful to keep in touch with you! Such fond memories of our “crazy Diane” stake outs together! Remember?

      • Emfine says:

        Oh do I remember! I remember a black and white herringbone coat that you “picked up” and I remember the terrible trouble I got in when my mother found out what we were doing – you do know that C.D. is the daughter of my grandmother’s friend. Well I have read more of your blog and I was laughing out loud. You are so freaking funny. I am really going to enjoy this. From now on I will post under an abbreviated name, but one that is identifiable – just wanted my full name there so you would know it was me. Can you believe my married name. Just had to cut the last name in half.

  3. AJ Beamish says:

    Your a hoot. I’m amazed you haven’t been ostracized in Atlanta (I live here to!). Very interesting blog. The poop pics… a little disturbing but adds to the mystique! 8)

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  5. Muffintopmommy says:

    OMG, you’re really funny, and I think we might have been switched at birth…except that you get to live somewhere warm. Beatch! I found your blog bc you visited mine, and I think I might snoop around s’more bc I think I realllly like it!

    • Well I love any woman who embraces her muffintop! Your post about how awful it is to shop for swimsuits was hilarious! I don’t even bring my daughter clothes shopping with me anymore because it freaks her out to watch me cry. Thanks for stopping by!

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  7. I have happily landed here via Carrie the Sassy Redhead. You have made me laugh…I may have wet my pants just a bit, but please don’t tell. Consider me a fan!
    Nancy
    Young American Wisdom

  8. Sue says:

    Love your blog

  9. Dorothy says:

    OMG!!!! I stumbled on your blog by accident. You are wonderfully funny! I was trying to find out if what my grandmother told me when I was very young (I’m 73 now) was true and still don’t have an educated answer to my question. I’m trying to find out if it’s true that if you plant different colored irises too close together the colors will neutralize or change.
    What a great accident you turned out to be. I don’t suppose you have any info on the bearded irises growing in my yard.
    Thank you so much for the chuckles you’ve just given me. I’ll visit you more often now when the stress of tracking down answers to my silly questions gets to be too much.
    Dorothy

    • Hi Dorothy! Oh my gosh, that is HYSTERICAL! I’ve always worried that some dear sweet little old lady gardener (much older than 73) would find something pornographic on my blog by innocently searching for how to divide her Bearded Irises. I’m SO glad you are a gardener with a great sense of humor!

      I do not know very much about actual Irises, but I bet my mom does because she is a wonderful gardener. I’ll ask her when I talk to her this weekend and if she knows anything I’ll get back to you.

      Thank you for writing and enjoying my blog!

  10. I’m not a woman. I have no kids. I’m not your target audience. But you are freaking hysterical. My good friend Andrew Tarr told me about you and I’m so glad he did. Thanks for the laughs – you’re a really talented writer.

    • Hey John! I am one of Andrew’s biggest fans (and not just because he and I are actual kin). If you are a good friend of his, you’re automatically in the cool kids club, as far as I’m concerned. And target audience? I’m writing to human beings who love to laugh. If that’s you – you’re in the right place.

      Welcome aboard, matey! (Said in my best scullery wench voice.) I have no idea why I’m talking pirate today. Just felt right.

  11. Hi there! I surfed on over here from MuffintopMommy’s blog to view that delectable blogger dance video. Too funny! You’ve earned yourself another follower–I fall in the category of immature adult. :)

  12. Bella says:

    You’ve been nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award! Please click on the link for more information :)

    http://artclubblog.com/2012/06/16/one-lovely-blog-award/

  13. Trish says:

    I love your blog! I love your fearless use of anatomically-accurate language! Yay, you go girl! Because you’re so funny and fearless, you are one of 15 victims in an evil chain letter of bloggy love. :-) Pick up your Inspirational Blogger award over at my place:
    http://contemplatinghappiness.blogspot.com/2012/06/bloggy-love.html

    p.s.
    If you are indeed writing to keep yourself sane? I’m not so sure it’s working. :D

  14. Kim P says:

    Yesterday I clicked on a link in Kirby’s blog, http://www.kirbycarespodi.com, and before I knew it a few hours had flown by while I was reading some of the most amusing posts I’ve read in a long time. Thank you (for the amusement not the loss of a few hours). I’m going to go back and read a few more of your posts because I want something fun to do and, let’s face it, doing dishes just isn’t.

    • WOW – that’s awesome! I have to go see this link! Kirby is my sister from another mister. I loved meeting her last weekend at Haven. Thank you so much for coming to see me and putting me above your dishes on the housework priority meter. Love that!

  15. Melinda Barkstrom says:

    Just found you so glad I did! You are hysterical! The article/contest for Poise de-odor discs for the poon cracked me up. If we met I think we ‘d be bff ‘s! Thanks for the laughs, looking fwd to many more.

  16. karen says:

    Love your website!!! so funny!! I can not stop laughing!! keep writing!! every comment you make is what I have felt!!your satire is so true to the times at hand!! Thank you I needed that!! and I feel so much better now!!

  17. Thanks for making my day!! I can relate to so many of your posts, and look forward to reading more :)

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  19. Katie says:

    Got my hooked with the first paragraph, and I can’t stop! Someday I hope to have such a fun blog and loyal following like yours!

  20. Roshni says:

    Not sure why it took me this long to discover your blog!! I’ll definitely come over from time to time and play!!! :D

  21. Christine says:

    I just want you to know that you are the bomb!! You totally make me laugh till I cry! I found you by accident a little while back while staying with my mom in the hospital! In between changing shitty iliostomy bags and bed baths, I was able to read your unmatched hilarity and feel a little better about all the “crap” I had to deal with! I had people in the waiting room looking at me like I was some psycho serial killer when I read about your sexually frustrated geicko!!! Keep the laughs coming for me! I need them!

    • WOW – that makes my heart sing, Christine! Thank you so much for telling me so and I will treasure knowing that I have brought you any kind of happiness in between your “shitty” hospital duties with your mom. Hang in there sister. Hugs!

  22. EileenMac says:

    I came across your blog while looking for a way to keep apple slices from browning without lemon juice (hubby loved them). You make me laugh! I’m looking forward to “black manning” my nether region…lol.

  23. Tresa says:

    I found you when I needed to laugh the most. You are so real, fresh, and adventuresome. Thank you!

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  26. Rachel says:

    I haphazardly stumbled onto your blog when I was using Google to confirm a friend’s tip about using white vinegar in my front-loading washing machine…it was a BORING Sunday evening. I don’t know how you did it but anyone who can manage to completely crack me up in an article about vinegar in the washing machine deserves an award! I kept reading and discovered the post about DIY Feminine Hygiene, your son’s discovery of his testicles, the grocery store meltdown…I’m not sure how I’ve gone so long without reading this blog! I forwarded a gazillion post recommendations to my best girl pal who I knew would appreciate your sense of humor. You are amazing…please DON’T ever stop blogging!

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  28. Jackson says:

    Weird, I came to your page the same way as Rachel, looking for vinegar-washing tips. Somehow I ended up reading about a lot more than that, though.
    Great blog!

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