Dobbie is back! He’s my family’s Elf on the Shelf and he is pretty popular around these parts.
If you’re just joining us, you can catch up on all of Dobbie’s most memorable adventures from the last few years HERE.
I have to admit, I’m enjoying him now more than ever… probably because every time Dobbie makes my kids smile or laugh, it eases my guilt for being such a Halloween slacker this year.
Also, this year, for the first time, Bucket Head has started communicating with Dobbie. He writes little notes and leaves them around the house and it is just PRECIOUS. Very motivating, if you smell what I’m cookin’.
Here’s the first one I found:
Hey, he’s 6-years-old. Don’t judge.
Then I found this one:
Allow me to interpret: “Dobbie, why don’t you ever hide in my room?”
I think we all know where Dobbie hid that night.
After that, Bucket Head’s big sister got in on the act. Of course her note was less “I like you, let’s hang out more often,” and more “Please tell Santa I’ve been good and also I want these eleventy-billion items for Christmas.”
Dobbie doesn’t like when the kids get “The Gimmies.” That’s not what Christmas is all about, yo.
To remind the kids of that fact, here is how they found him the next morning:
Yes, our manger is empty. Baby Jesus doesn’t arrive in our crèche until Christmas morning. (Partly because that’s the nativity story, and partly so Bucket Head doesn’t wander off with him, like he has a tendency to do.)
Okay, enough jibber jabber. You’re here for the elf porn. I get that.
But before we get to the money shot, I just wanted to share a little backstory about how Dobbie’s deviant mind works. You see, he’s not really a sicko. He just has the mind of an 8-year-old kid whose development was stunted somewhere between the anal and phallic Freudian stages. It’s really not his fault. He’s just immature.
And that leads to a lot of Elfin Beavis and Butthead snickering and “That’s what she said” jokes. We, I mean HE, can’t help it.
For instance, the other day Bucket Head and I were cutting out paper snowflakes from cheap white coffee filters. It was really fun and easy! (Pro tip: I used a warm dry iron to flatten out the ridges before we hung them on the windows.)
Quite the wholesome family winter craft, I must say!
That is… until I noticed one of Bucket Head’s snowflakes was a little, uh… suggestive:
I don’t know. Maybe those look like little fire hydrants to some people. Or chess men. But apparently Dobbie got one peek at that snowflake and his twisted mind started reeling.
One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, Dobbie decided to cut out some of his own snowflakes.
Fortunately I got a few pictures and was able to hide the not-so-family-friendly snowflakes before the kids woke up.
The photos were so good, I decided to give them to my friend Kim for Christmas. She is showcasing one of them today on her glorious blog, Elfshaming.com. If you enjoy a little adult humor of the Inappropriate Elf variety, please go see Dobbie’s handiwork over there. Totally worth the click. I promise.
In the meantime, Dobbie and I have a holiday wish for you and yours:
May you find the humor and joy in every task on your mounting to-do list this holiday season and beyond.
(Heh heh heh, I said mounting.)