Does this sobriety make my butt look big?

I’m In The Powder Room today over-sharing, like I do…

Does this sobriety make my butt look big by The Bearded Iris

And dammit, people are making me cry with their kind words of encouragement.

I’ve been sitting on this post for weeks. My real one-year-anniversary was February 22nd… that was the first day of Lent last year when I gave up the hooch. But I haven’t wanted to make a big deal out of it because I am still so damn in denial, I should just dress like Cleopatra and have the kids fan me while feeding me grapes. (Not a bad idea, regardless.)

Anyhooo… I was inspired to finally write about this milestone because I’ve never made it a whole year before (this is my third try) and I watched the movie Flight the other day. My brother recommended it and I thought it was going to be an action/adventure about a plane crash. (Duh.) I had no idea it was really about the main character’s battle with addiction. So needless to say, it was difficult to watch. Great movie, but day-yam, those scenes where Denzel battles his demons and loses were absolutely gut wrenching for me. And then the ending… oh Lawd. That’s all I’m going to say in case you haven’t seen it.

The take away for me though was that with courage comes peace. And maybe I need to show more courage to get to the next stage of healing.

So I wrote about it.

I wish I could feel more proud of myself because it’s been a loooooong year and there were so many times that I could have faltered, but didn’t. Maybe that will come with more time and practice.

I hope so.



About The Bearded Iris

Leslie Marinelli is a writer, humorist, blogger, life hacker, and invisible vessel for grandchildren and PTA donations.
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17 Responses to Does this sobriety make my butt look big?

  1. Just read it and left a comment there. But I’ll say it again–I loved you before but now I love you even more because you were incredibly honest and I guarantee you touched many, many people who are suffering from this same addiction. I have a few friends who have been through it and it was so hard–I often felt helpless because I didn’t know what to do for them to help them. One of my own, adult sons took it upon himself last October to stop drinking because he felt that he had developed some unhealthy habits in college with all the keg parties. Even after he graduated, he realized he was still drinking a 6 pack a night and needed to stop because he was losing control and losing his friends. I’m very proud of him for taking this step. And I am so proud of you for staying sober for a year. XOXO

  2. Mel says:

    I have thought of how you wrote about quitting last year periodically. You are so brave and strong. Congratulations on your year and on taking control of things.

  3. Mere says:

    Leslie, my dove — something I learned the hard way: we are not strong because we do not falter. We are strong *because* we falter… and keep going. Congratulations on your one-year anniversary. If I were with you, I’d give you your chip. Love, -m-

  4. Michelle says:

    I bawled reading your post over in the powder room. I have been reading following your funny craziness for a couple of years (2010 maybe??). Anyway, I wanted to say thank you for posting this. My husband of 13 years came home last year and said he wanted a divorce. He had secretly been drinking even though he had “quit” in 2005 to save our marriage. He never quit. He came clean and told me that he doesn’t need to quit…it’s not a REAL problem. He went to work and continued to make rank in the Air Force. Did all the things a husband/ father is supposed to do. Because he didn’t “look” the part of alcoholic he didn’t think he was. After he told me I was in the bathroom crying to my Mother on the phone (who is a recovering alcoholic and was a drug and alcohol counselor for many many years). While I was doing that he pulled my two kids (11 and 9) out of bed at 11:00 at night and told them WE had to go because he was still young and wanted to go out and party and drink without coming home to us, which made him feel guilty. He sent us to my mothers a week later.
    Anyway… Things are looking better for us now, so this isn’t a pitty party for my children and me… No… It’s not. It’s a HUGE thank you for telling your story. Alcoholism isn’t always ugly and messy on the outside. It isn’t a comparison game… It’s about being honest with yourself and taking back control of your life for the sake of yourself and those who love you most.

    • Wow – Michelle – that is so poignant: “It’s about being honest with yourself and taking back control of your life for the sake of yourself and those you love you most.” Thank you so much for sharing that. It’s so true, I don’t fit the mold, and that has held me back in making progress because I compare myself to others constantly and use that as a measuring stick to convince myself that I must not be an alcoholic because I don’t ______________, or I can _________________, or I never __________________. But that’s just the disease. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I don’t know who said that, but I like it. Now if I could just follow those sage words!

      I’m glad things are looking better for you and your kids now, and that you all have a second chance at happiness elsewhere because it sounds like your husband just isn’t ready/willing/able to take control of his disease. Thank you for being here. Big hugs to you, mama!

  5. In my family it is a legacy. “With courage comes peace.” That’s good to know.

  6. And this post made ME cry because I just want to take the demons of those I care about away for you. I wish you knew how happy so many of us are for you, and how proud we are, and how lucky those that DON’T know you yet are that someone like you can talk about her sobriety and mental health obstacles in the honest, fresh, funny and not-so-funny ways that you do. xo

  7. Jane says:

    You are amazing- I was reading some of the comments as well and there are such strong people in this world. You’ve done a wonderful thing- for yourself and others. That is something you should be so proud of!

  8. Rose says:

    You are doing good that you don’t even know about! Awesome! Btw, those kids need to peel those grapes for you – you’re that good!

  9. Admitting your faults is not a sign of weakness. Just the opposite, my friend. So proud of you.

  10. We all have addictions of some kind or another, if only we admit it. Admitting it so openly, as you have, takes a kind of courage that I don’t think I possess. Congratulations! You are inspiring.

  11. Lisa Newlin says:

    I wrote a comment on the other page as well, but I just wanted to post one follow up question on here….

    So where are those peanut butter cookies that are in the photo above?

  12. Sweet room mate of yesteryear … I met you shortly after you started this journey, when you said it was just for Lent, a health kick, was making your skin look great …
    and look at you now.
    Proud of you for your courage and strength, and of course your honesty.
    You go girl xxx

  13. I can’t even tell you how impressed I am.
    By your honesty. Strength. Commitment. Love.

    You are BRAVE, girl.
    I hope you truly feel the support all around you.

  14. Flannery says:

    I drop in on occasion, but don’t think I’ve commented. But I wanted to say, good for you for not giving up! It takes a lot of strength and courage to keep trying. Stay strong, sister.

  15. It took a lot of courage to put your words out there. And the email you shared is proof that your bravery is not only part of your own healing, but is helpful to others as well. Thank you for being so candid.

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