The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Look what’s under the mistletoe!

Dobbie adjusts his mistletoe belt buckle by The Bearded Iris

Dobbie ain’t no dummy.

Hey, all you Christmas decorating pros, is real mistletoe always so flimsy and delicate? Geez Louise, I lost about half the leaves fashioning that belt buckle for Mr. Horny Pants up there.

Confession: this is actually the first year I’ve ever bought real mistletoe. Is that crazy? I’ve always wanted some, but I’ve never really liked the plastic mistletoe I see in most stores. So when I saw some little baggies of real mistletoe for $1 each at the local Christmas Tree Farm last weekend, I snapped up a few bags and brought them home with us.

Did you know that real mistletoe is a parasitic plant that grows at the top of trees? The owner of the tree farm told me that there’s a gal in his neighborhood who shoots the mistletoe down with a rifle and then shows up in her head-to-toe camouflage to sell him big fresh clumps of it.

Welcome to North Georgia, y’all.

Anyway, what few hearty sprigs remained intact while I was making my bouquet are hanging in my foyer from the pendant light. So if you plan on stopping by anytime this holiday season, just go ahead and pucker up, Buttercup.

live mistletoe in the foyer by the bearded iris

How about you? Are you a mistletoe veteran or virgin? Got any tips or stories about mistletoe to share? Dish it up!

Yours truly,
Leslie

 

 

19 Comments

  1. OMG, your elf is SO WRONG! I blame your influence, bwahahaha!!! <3 LOVE IT. 😛

  2. Yes, it is delicate. Yes, it is crazy. Yes, I know it is a parasitic plant that grows at the top of trees. I may know and/or be realted to that woman. Cousin Edddie (don’t laugh) he is real, just climbs the trees, but I will mention the lady’s way, I am sure he will find it of interest. Mistletoe, another area I find myself non-virginal. Someone will tell you it is posionious, so don’t eat it. Your elf needs therapy, though the doll looks quite satisified back there on that lepoard print. That picture of that little sprig of mistletoe is beautiful. Thank you.

  3. please excuze all the uncorect spellin.

  4. I’ve never seen REAL mistletoe before. We always had the crappy plastic mistletoe. A parasitic plant, eh? Nothing like a parasite to make you want to pucker up!

  5. Lawza! You brought back some fond memories of growing up in GA. Daddy used to drive down country roads looking for mistletoe in the trees. When he found some he’d stop the truck on the side of the road and climb over the fence to “inspect the tree”. If it passed inspection, we’d all get out and he’d yell “Fire in th’ hole!” as he shot “buckshot” up into the tree top. We’d duck and cover as the mistletoe rained down on us then scurry around gathering it up. If you got the most clumps you didn’t have to share your bag of boiled peanuts on the way home… *sigh* good times. Merry Christmas, Iris.

    • This is the BEST Christmas tradition I have ever heard of… like it’s so amazing I want to talk my husband into doing this with our kids.

  6. It’s a good thing you explained that Dobbie had mistletoe hanging from his belt. I was about to say that little Dobbie could make a race horse jealous. No wonder bent Barbie back there looks satisfied.

  7. Lovin’ the mistletoe belt!

  8. That freak doll behind him is all ready for it, do you see her? Look at her, all unashamed, legs open, arms wide. Trollup.

    I’m a mistletoe virgin. ERMAGERD ERM’A MERK A SHERT!

  9. Yeah, your elf is happily heading for the doll….will she bite?! 😛

  10. Dad used hand me a .22 and turn me loose… I was 6. Great idea, Dad.

  11. God bless Dobbie, God bless us, everyone! Love the dirty Dobbie

  12. I knew it was a parasite that grew on trees and that people shot it down. I had just forgotten. We’ve never done the real mistletoe thing, but it’s a cute idea. As long as you don’t walk around with it on your belt buckle. Unless you are a naughty elf.

  13. I can just picture the woman all suited up in camo carrying clumps of mistletoe in one hand and a fire arm in the other. How very Eastwood. lol

  14. Oh yes, shooting down mistletoe is a fine ole tradition here in N Georgia!
    Brings back some memories 🙂 I got to go with my Dad, Papaw and uncles when they would get it and all us cousins would race to see who would get the most…
    I want to every year but dang it if the best clumps are in trees full of it are all in these nicey nice neighbourhoods! Lol!
    I don’t go full camo but would love to see the looks on people’s faces if I just rolled up in a Hamilton Mill suburb and started to shoot some down! Lol!
    However, I DID just see some right near the Mall of Ga yesterday 🙂
    Good times 🙂

  15. I’m a total mistletoe virgin. Real and fake. Maybe Dobbie can help me get acquainted?

  16. Finally, you’ve found a way I can claim to be a virgin!

  17. Oh, it’s not just in Georgia. They shoot the mistletoe down in Maryland, too. In camo. 🙂 Ellen

  18. I am keeping mistletoe in my back pocket this year – just saying …

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