The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Does your child’s teacher not like you?

If you’re me, the answer is most assuredly “yes.”

I’ve managed to clock a new world record in making my child’s teacher loathe me faster than ever before.

And I think I may have finally figured out why.*



*Y’all, for the love of God, that is not a real text. I used my iPhone and my husband’s iPhone to make that shit up. You can breathe now. 



  1. I was reading that and thinking, “She possibly could not have done that? Did she do that? No, she couldn’t!” Thank goodness, you didn’t! Phew!
    My daughter’s 7th grade English teacher did not appreciate me. She wrote my daughter up for inappropriate shoes. Private school, mind you. I flipped because she’d been wearing the same type of shoes at that school since 4th grade. I went to the principal. She sided with me and told the new teacher, she better be focusing on something more than a child’s shoes. HA! It was a long year.

  2. I love the visual! Can’t wait to read the article.

  3. tracy@sellabitmum

    September 24, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    I love you. And Ms. Jenkins.

  4. Thank God for the disclaimer at the bottom. Ha ha!

  5. But, she DID look great at Publix yesterday!

  6. That’s hilarious! And took a bit of prep- texting from two iPhones and changing someone’s name to Mrs Jenkins? Haha! I have to say, though, we have just begun at a new school district and on the second day of school, my daughter was suspended. At least at our old school district, they knew us and my son (the good one) so they knew we weren’t bad parents- we just have a spirited kid. So- yeah- started out the school year with a suspension and then last week (the third week of school) my daughter was at home mumbling what sounded like the “f” word and I asked what she was saying. She said, “You know? What the cat that catches Tweety Bird says, ‘Fuccery Fuccotash!’ ” I explained that she wasn’t pronouncing it correctly and it sounded like a very bad word. She replied with, “Yeah, that is what my teacher said too!” Great.

    So- yeah- feeling you on being on the teacher’s bad side.

  7. Love it. And I seriously acknowledge the prep work it took to construct that tweet. Real comedy is real work. Ellen

  8. Loved. It. (And this too: I knew you hadn’t *really* texted her thusly, but secretly wished you *had*. (And while I *totally* appreciate all the work you did to make it, you can also use this: though I dunno if you can insert those cool little eye, turd, and fisty pics.)

    • OMG, that would have been so helpful to know YESTERDAY! But better late than never. (I need you on my speed dial.) And you’re right, I wouldn’t have been able to put in the smiling turd, which TOTALLY makes it. ;P

  9. So THAT’S how you did it! You used your phone and your husband’s phone. Love it! going to the Powder Room to check you out.

  10. As a teacher, I would LOVE you because you texted about the Emmy’s and not your blah blah blah concerns about your child! (Just kidding with the blah blah blah…) 🙂 This was funnY!

  11. OMG. You kill me. I love it. Off to the Powder Room now…

  12. Dying.

    That is all.


  13. Dying.

    That is all.


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