The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Craft Whores – Sponsors and Prizes

Just joining us? Here’s the scoop:

1.) The Suniverse and I are crafty mofos with dirty minds.

2.) We came up with an idea for a contest called Craft Whores. Get it? Like Craft Wars, but for sick twisted fun people!

3.) Then we introduced you to our awesome judges and established some ground rules: just make something inappropriate and blog about it!

Speaking of awesome judges, they deserve another hello-howdy! Click on their pretty faces below to follow them on Twitter and start buttering them up for judgement day.*

Jen: The Next Martha

Kathy: Crafty Chica

Robin: Balls to the Wall Y’all!






*Just kidding. We don’t endorse or condone bribery or extortion.

The official link up begins tomorrow (Thursday, September 13, 2012). It doesn’t matter if you link here or at The Suniverse. The linky tool will display your entry on both blogs. (Because we are frickin’ geniuses.) (Geez, I hope we can get that linky thing to work. GULP!)

There! You’re all caught up.

Now it’s time to meet our official sponsors and start drooling over our prizes! Oh yeah baby. That’s right. Shit just got fancy up in huuuur.

Craft Whores is proudly sponsored by: 

We Shop

WeShop is the hot new marketplace at In The Powder Room where bloggers, retailers, and shoppers all come together to make shopping social. Like going to the mall with your girlfriends, but you get to stay in your slippers and avoid those aggressive perfume pushers! One of our lucky winners will receive a $100 WeShop gift card! 




Funny not Slutty
features comedy created by female producers, writers, humorists, and comedians, including our own The Suniverse! FnS Original Productions have been featured by Funny or Die,,, and Internet Video Magazine. They’ve donated an awesome gift basket of crafting supplies valued at $50! invites you to learn from others, share your experiences, and re-discover sex. They offer online shopping, a welcoming community, and a wealth of inspiring resources. One of our lucky winners will receive a $50 gift card to! Bohm-chicka-wah-waaaaah!

But wait, that’s not all!

Other prizes include:

Original artwork by the incomparable Robin Plemmons (one of our judges!)


Who doesn’t need a crocheted Vulva Tissue Box Coozy?
Nothing says “God bless you!” like handing your vulva to a loved one
and watching them extract a tissue from it.
This masterpiece was handmade and donated by Carrie of Uknit2


Not to be outdone by Lady Estrogen,
who sculpted and donated this gorgeous multipurpose clay vagizness.
Has there ever been a more perfect nut bowl?


One of our lucky winners is going home with our original Craft Whores cross stitch designed and created by The Suniverse:


And this fabulous New to You “Hillblingy” Goblet
that I picked up at a local craft fair last year,
great for taking your hooch on the go!

 (Don’t worry, I’ma wash it out first.)

Remember friends, you do not have to be an accomplished crafter or artiste to participate!

Also, if you’re nervous about displaying something risqué on your family-friendly blog, I suggest you create a separate super secret blog page, tucked away somewhere sneaky, so that you can still play along, but not everyone who lands on your blog will get a face full of your decoupaged money shot picture frame, or what have you.

Let’s git biz-ay!

See you back here tomorrow for day one of the link-up!



  1. Gee if I had known I would have offered up AbbyGoat as a prize. Nothing like winning an old goat . . .

  2. Oh I should get busy crafting a muff for my beaver!

  3. my masterpiece is ready and waiting. and by “my” masterpiece i mean the inappropriate craft my mom made for the contest i will be entering for her.

    fingers crossed!

  4. hillbilly goblet. hillbilly goblet.
    really, there’s nothing else to say other than i want one with a deep & abiding passion.
    except i have no glue gun and absolutely not one craft chop to speak of. nada, zippo, zero, zilch.
    i will have to be the linky supporter on this one; the linkup fluffer, as it were.
    the internet right now is abuzz with the sound of hot glue guns and inappropriate uses of spangles.

  5. This reminded me of the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond when Ray’s mom Marie took up sculpting, and she gave Ray and Debra a huge sculpture she made that looked like a vulva. Hijinx ensued, I laughed, I cried, I couldn’t help myself … I hope this contest is just as successful (I’m sure it’s gonna be a riot! Can’t wait!)

  6. Crafts made, pics taken, ready for the linky thing! I’ve toldknow. Becaue it’s a freeking splendorific idea!

  7. I gotta get my hands on that Craft Whores piece.

  8. The little vulva bitches are off to the kiln. If they don’t survive, there will be some deviation of some vaginalistic excellence 😉

  9. Is it too late to nominate Trixi Delicious from Auckland, New Zealand, Mordor, The Shire, Murray (present)? It’s not craft as such but inhabits the same realm.

    Our neighbour has a selection of her ceramics on the wall. Charming messages for visitors.

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