The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

The Bearded Week in Review

So, according to the news, “Hurricane Leslie was downgraded to a tropical storm as it was almost stationary in the Atlantic before moving north on a track past Bermuda.”

Yep.

That about sums it up, right there.

Not that I’m complaining. Tropical storms are still powerful forces of nature. I guess I’d rather be a tropical storm than, say, a cold front or a high pressure system. Those are so boring!

And at least I’m not a Haboob. 

Can you imagine the ribbing I’d be getting from my mother about my hoarding tendencies if Hurricane Leslie ended up being the next Katrina? (ptoi ptoi ptoi)

Frankly, it should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me that my hurricane namesake would peter out and go off course. That’s pretty much my modus operandi.

Hello. I’m Leslie. Nice to meet you.

Last week was small but mighty due to the holiday. So if you’re just joining us, I’ll try to make it easy and painless for you to get caught up.

Read Me In the Powder Room!I was In The Powder Room on Labor Day sharing the story of the grossest biohazard I ever had to clean up and why I have such a heartfelt appreciation for school custodians, teachers, and nurses.

Honestly, those people are Saints. Go hug one. Now.

Then on Tuesday, I kicked off a month-long series of blogging tips with a surprisingly well-supported post about the importance of properly spacing desktop published sentences.

So glad to know I’m not the only one out there with such a passion for punctuation!

I suppose I have all my elementary teachers to thank for that.

Lord knows I loves me some teachers.

Just not Mini-Me’s Kindergarten teacher. (Bless her heart.)

She’s quite lovely. Don’t get me wrong. She just wasn’t a good fit for Mini-Me’s particular learning style. That was a tough year for my baby.

But I actually have a great deal of respect for the profession of teaching in general, and I do believe I’ve mentioned it here once or twice. (And then again.)

In fact, you might not know this about me, but once upon a time I actually wanted to BE an elementary teacher.

I know. Ha ha, very funny, right?

Now boys and girls, Mrs. Marinelli made you a special treat for snack today! They are cookies that look like little vulvas! Isn’t that hilarious?!

It’s true though.

After college I took out a big-ass loan, went back to school for two more years, got my post-baccalaureate elementary teaching credential in Pennsylvania, and then I discovered:

I really don’t like other people’s kids, like, at all.

But due to the fact that I tried to be a teacher and really sucked at it, I have a burning admiration for people who love and do that job well.

Just thought I’d throw that out there in case you didn’t know that about me. Because if you just so happened upon my Facebook page status last Thursday, and you didn’t know what an honorable, decent, generally enthusiastic supporter of teachers I am, you may have gotten the wrong idea.

Ouch!

That post elicited a wide variety of comments ranging from hilarious to incredibly offensive. It was a real roller coaster. Who knew?

I don’t usually have heated conversations like that on my Facebook page. Most of my posts tend to be more like this:

Sad, but true.

Excuse me for saying, but there are some lonely, mean, judgmental people on the Facebook and I’m going to give them a piece of my irritated PMSy mind tomorrow In The Powder Room. Stayed tuned for that hot mess. Damn.

But when I’m not opening up a can of Whoop-Ass on Facebitches, I like to unplug and relax (often with an 80 pound Black Lab all up in my vagizness.) Babble published a list last Friday of how some bloggers (including me) like to unplug. Check it out here.

Okey dokey. Don’t forget about the Craft Whores contest that begins next Thursday! We announced the judges last week and will announce the prizes and judging criteria this coming Wednesday. Well what are you waiting for?! Get your naughty craft on!

And as if I haven’t given you enough to see and do, here are three other things that rocked my world this week:

1.) This laugh-out-loud mockery of the new Bic Pen for Her by the ever-hilarious Mouthy Housewives. I’ve read a bunch of Bic parodies this week and this is by far my favorite.

2.) This chart comparing the first day of school to childbirth by Kim of Let Me Start by Saying. That girl is on a roll with the funny graphics lately!

3.) This Back-to-School guest post at In The Powder Room by Robin O’Bryant. No wonder she’s a published author with a weekly newspaper column. That girl’s got mad skillz! (You can find more of her work at her delightful blog: Robin’s Chicks.)

Happy reading and enjoy the rest of your weekend!

-Leslie

11 Comments

  1. Okay you convinced me since I am sitting in front of the TV on a Sunday morning while the hubs cleans the house (yesterday was our 34th anniversary). I have a migraine and a backache from cleaning up the front yard yesterday, deadheading, etc, since my lazy ass husband only managed to water for the three weeks I was on vacation! I need something to get me laughing, maybe it will make my headache go away….if not there is always more Vicodin..oh look it’s been 4 hours, I can go take another one now. PS I don’t drink either.

    I’m going over to Facebook and check out the thread. I was going there anyway next to see if my kids are alive or what.

  2. Ha! “Facebitches.” Jacking that for my own maniacal use.

  3. I hear ya… I too wanted to be an elementary school teacher for the longest time, until I realized that I really didn’t like most people, or their kids! Quite the career pickle. Now that my oldest is in first grade, and my twins are going to start kindergarden next year, I am so glad I listened to myself and stayed far away from a degree in early childhood development. Props to those that DO teach, I will be forever in their debt!

  4. Great post, Leslie. You make me laugh which I need sorely today. I like your weekly highlights. My highlight of the week is more a low light. Did you ever anger anyone with your writing? Just curious since I’ve gotten myself in some hot water over a published article. Thanks for the laughs and I will check out those posts you mention.

    • OH LAWDY, yes, Lisa! I get into hot water all the time! Whenever it happens, I try to be a “good girl” for a few days and then I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t speak my truth.

      I have one good friend who took me aside once and asked me to please never write about her or her family or any of our time together because she is a very private person. That was a huge wake up call for me about being more respectful to my friends/family. HOWEVER, I also have a biological need to write from the heart, so sometimes that overrides my desire to keep my trap shut. I heard a famous writer (Adriana Trigiani) once say “Cut as close to the bone as you can without getting sued or divorced.” I usually change names, places, and identifying details so as not to embarrass anyone. But sometimes I want to scream things like “IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO WRITE ABOUT YOU, STOP GIVING ME SO MUCH MATERIAL!” Ha!

  5. I’m glad you like my list! Thanks for sharing it. Now please accept my Cyber Smooch. MWAH!

  6. I also intended upon being a teacher. A high-school English teacher. Then I student-taught and was all, “Oh HELLS NO, I am not doing this for the rest of my life!”

    I think we be smart, lady.

  7. I was so excited there was a hurricane Leslie!I waited years for a Lisa and she too just played around in the ocean and then wandered off, just like I would have done. WILL NOT google haboo, nice try. That looks like the best nap ever. You made me vomit ITPR (thanks).Spacingforwordpresssucks. Stirred the shit a little on FB with you.Finished the cw project, photos suck. Kim made me wet my pants. Yep, slow week. Oh – I did google ass hair and you were there. Soooo – Facebook fights tomorrow – mkay – lets get ready to rumble….

    • WOW – impressive comment! I do believe you hit every one of the bases there, Lisa! Major extra credit bonus points for paying attention and following all the directions!

  8. Thanks Leslie! I feel better I’m not the only one in hot water :). The truth hurts so people should stop giving me such great material! LOL

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