The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Get Your Lady Bits Poised for Perimenopause {and win $250}

This post is for the ladies. Gentlemen, please form a single file line and walk to the gym for a rousing presentation by the Phys. Ed. teachers on how to care for your prostate.

::Glances from side to side.::

Are they gone?

Oh good! Let’s talk shop, ladies. And by “shop” of course I mean vaginas.

I was thirteen years old when I got my first period. The thing I remember most about it was that my mom and her best friend Monica poured Champagne for the three of us (just a sip for me) and then toasted me on becoming a woman. We sat on the floor in my living room and yakked the night away talking about grown-up lady bits stuff, and I felt like I had just been initiated into a wonderfully secret sorority.

Fast forward about thirty years, and I’m starting to notice a whole new crop of strange bodily changes on the horizon. And no, I’m not just talking about the beard and mustache I sprouted after Bucket Head was born.

The thing is, as women approach menopause, there is no formal presentation or celebration that prepares us for this next life stage. We just hear scary labels like “the change” and imagine the worst. (I already don’t recognize myself in the mirror most mornings; I don’t know if I can handle any more “change,” thankyouverymuch.)

But Poise brand wants to help us approach this next life stage with confidence by encouraging The 2nd Talk, a whole new way to learn about menopause and other wellness issues for women our age. And to support us, they are introducing a first-of-its-kind line of products designed to work naturally with our bodies and provide comfort from symptoms.

As a BlogHer reviewer, I’ve gotten a sneak peak at some of the cool new products Poise is introducing this month. And yes, this is a sponsored post, but I think you know me well enough by now to know that I choose my sponsors very carefully, and I always calls it like I sees it.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But Leslie, I thought you were anti-Feminine Hygiene Products?”

Well, yes and no.

It’s true, I’ve written several posts about the misogynistic message communicated to the world by most of the feminine hygiene industry. I personally do not want to be told over and over that I’m not good enough, and all those sprays and douches and deodorized tampons make me feel like everyone thinks I stink.

But then again, sometimes I really do stink. And I’ve got young kids who are perfectly willing to say that aloud. (Awesome.)

So perhaps my soap and water routine isn’t cutting it, particularly when my pesky Aunt Flo is all up in my vagizness.

Not only that, but soap can be very drying, and we women of a certain age do not need any help drying out our goody bags, if you know what I mean.

That’s where Poise’s new product line piques my interest.

Poise’s new Feminine Wash is Gynecologist tested and pH Balanced. Ladies, take it from me, you do not want to putz with the pH of your poonany, like, ever.

It is also Glycerin & Paraben free which is incredibly important for our health. If you don’t know why chemicals like these are bad mojo, I’ll fill you in real quick (that’s what he said.) Parabens mimic estrogen in the body and are associated with cancer cells. Avoid them whenever you can, but particularly around the thin and delicate membranes of your vagene. And glycerin is major no-no because even though it may feel all fun and slippery at first, it is a man-made chemical that works by pulling moisture from the inside of your skin cells outward. Over time, it will cause more harm than good. Long story short: a dry vagina is a sad vagina.

I do not know what this stuff smells like yet, which could be a deal breaker for me. But if it smells like a fresh, mild soap without the drying properties of soap, I’m totally in, and I think my family will probably thank me for it.

The other new Poise product I’m really excited about is their revolutionary new Panty Fresheners.

Let’s face it, ladies, swamp crotch happens. And the complexity of our anatomy can make it challenging to feel just-showered-fresh all day long.

Fortunately, Poise has engineered a product that is kind of like a cross between the charcoal filter on a litter box and a Stick-Up air freshener.

Oh yes. I went there. Remember those things?

Let’s be honest, sometimes your crotch is a good place for a Stick-Up. Amiright? But we need a safe version that won’t irritate our sensitive lady bits or expose us to dangerous chemicals.

The new Poise Panty Fresheners stick to the OUTSIDE of your undergarments! It’s brilliant, really. Way to think outside of the box, Poise! {Puh-dum-pum-tchhhhh!}

It provides a fresh scent for four hours, but without the risk of putting fragrance right next to your bare skin. These discreet stick-on disks are hypoallergenic and dermatologist tested. I’m guessing if you pop one of these down your pants around lunch, it will keep you feeling confident until you can get home and give yourself a Silkwood.

All joking aside, when we feel confident, we can accomplish great things. Poise wants to know, when do YOU feel most confident? Please share in the comments below and you will be entered to win a $250 Visa gift card!

Also, Poise wants to rally 1 million women to pledge to have The 2nd Talk by World Menopause Day on October 18. By joining the conversation, women will gain more menopause knowledge, support, and solutions. Join the conversation at The2ndTalk.com.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some housekeeping to do. And of course by “housekeeping,” I mean tending to my recalcitrant lady garden.

Rules (It may smell like it, but this isn’t Lord of the Flies, you know.)

No purchase necessary to enter or win.

Only unique Entries will be counted; duplicates will not be considered as an additional entry.

You may receive entries on this post by selecting from the following entry methods starting on July 26, 2012 at 9 a.m. PT and ending on August 24, 2012 at 5 p.m. PT:

a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post.

b) Tweet (public message) about this promotion, including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: ì#sweepstakesentryî; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post.

c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post.

d) To enter without posting comments, see official rules.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail and will have 72 hours to respond or a new winner will be selected. Void where prohibited.

Be sure to visit Poise’s brand page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win!

And thank you for being here and supporting me and each other with your wisdom and humor!

Sincerely, and now with added panty freshness,
Leslie

********************************************

Thank you for your interest but this giveaway is now officially closed.

161 Comments

  1. Being the age where the “2nd Talk” is necessary…sign me up!

  2. Best sponsored post I’ve ever read. I mean – shoot – I’m thinking about loading all three kids in my minivan right now to get me some of these new Poise products. Nice work!

  3. No power this am meant no shower. I may have to run to Tarjzay to seek these out.

  4. I feel most confident when I’m being distracted with laughter. Thanks, for the chance to win, Leslie.

  5. I love me some Poise products! After birthing two kids I’m not leak proof anymore – knowwhatimsayin’!

  6. Swamp crotch?? Did you actually say that?! Of course you did. And yes, especially here in Deepest South Georgia, just a walk to the mailbox can cause it, even with proper air flow. sign me up, I want those air fresheners. Reckon they could come up with one with a little built in fan?

  7. You. kill. me. I feel most confident when I’m wearing a new outfit (or new shoes)

  8. I feel most confident when I have coached my kids through a tough situation in their lives without just *giving* them the answer!

  9. I feel most confident when I am laughing hysterically with a group of friends…even if that is via the internet, sitting on the couch still in my jammies – like right this minute. Thank you for the laugh – you are a riot!

  10. I am here to tell you that menopause is just the gift that keeps on giving, well after the “peri” and whatever. Go Leslie. Go Poise. Now where did I leave my walker . . . ?

  11. Only Iris can make talking about “swamp crotch” hilarious! Well done, Poise!

  12. Well, “swamp crotch” does NOT make me feel confident!
    This might be the best sponsored post EV.ER.
    Bring on the Poise!
    Kerry at HouseTalkN

  13. The publicist says she has been post menopausal for 9 years so she is an old goat like me. She says she feels most confident when she is facing down my studmuffin when he is in rut. She says there is nothing like dealing with 100lbs of horny goat who wants to go somewhere she does not want him to go.

  14. I feel most confident when I’m having a good hair day and I’m dressed in clothing that fits me well.

  15. I’m with you – not a fan of products that want to make my lady bits smell aggressively of flowers and leave me itchy and sad. The Poise products sound different (assuming the wash is mild-smelling). I’d totally try them.

    As for when I feel most confident, it’s when I write a blog post and get good feedback so that I know I’m not the only one who finds me amusing.

  16. Believe me I am old enough to be in “peri” state, so when I tell you when I feel most confident, don’t think I’m in my twenties! I’m in college, not high school! 🙂

    I feel most confident when I have studied hard, aced a test in whatever subject I am taking at the moment, and my hubby says, “See, I keep telling you how smart you are, your probably smarter than me!” Makes me feel 6 feet tall!!

  17. I live in Arizona where swamp crotch is a fact. That was the best sponsored post i’ve ever read. Hands down. lol

  18. You crack me up! I’ve been waiting for this post since you briefly (hee hee) mentioned it at Haven.
    And when am I most confident? After a bottle of wine and the lights are off (after a shower)!

  19. I know this sounds silly but I always feel confident after getting my hair done. I know it will never look that good until I go again!

  20. I feel more confident since I joined a Mart Arts school. I have good work outs, and I am more energetic, therefore more confident.

  21. Swamp crotch, eh? In Canada we call it Camp Twat (due to lack of swamps). Now, whosoever thought of a wee tiny air freshener for my granny panties deserves a kiss on their crazy bald head. If they come up with one for pits, I will NEVER shower again. But if it smells like cookies I will not wear it. Who wants to have to tell folks that there box is what smells like the bakery, never mind how hungry it would make me.

  22. I am most confident after a grueling 1 hour workout at bootcamp! Probably stinkiest then too!

  23. tweet–https://twitter.com/mami2jcn/status/228557610738151424

  24. My mom has lived by the law of the “Pitty-pad” for years now. But I skipped peri-menopause. I had everything ripped out. Best thing I ever did for myself.

  25. Most confident? Evidently when I’m at the gym and am just out of the showers, because I manage somehow to stand right in the middle of every damn thing and dry myself off unashamedly.

    You’ve been warned.

    XO

  26. VAGIZNESS.
    Gawd, that’s fantastic!

    Also, I have been wearing liners since I was 14 so I pretty much rely on them. That’s probably not a great thing, but it just makes me feel fresher. Not exactly running through a spring fountain fresh, but good enough.

  27. Just so you know – You are the only one that I might let talk me into to talking about peri-anything. I really just wanted to be crazy a wee bit longer. I’m not feeling real confident about anything at the moment, subject to change, of course.

  28. I feel most confident when I am well rested and wearing something that I think flatters my figure.

  29. Best sponsored post EVAH!!! Gawd, I can’t wait to meet you at BlogHer!

    I feel most confident when I’m writing something that I’m excited about. When I finish it, sit back, and say – DAMN that’s some good stuff! – I’m brimming with confidence and happiness!

  30. I totally agree – best sponsored post EVAHHH! So good, in fact, that I don’t think I’ll ever be confident again until I get one of those stick-ups for my nether regions.

  31. I feel confident when I’m asked a question at work and I actually know the answer. And then I realize…I’m GOOD at what I do!

  32. I was sorely dismayed to learn that World Menopause Day is ON MY 55th BIRTHDAY, thankyouverymuch. My friend Jeanne said it meant I would only get one present, a combination World Menopause Day/birthday gift. That about sums it up, I’d say. (As a side note, menopause really WAS the best gift ever. That and hormone replacement therapy. I love the pharmaceutical industry.)

  33. Odd. You’re talking about the great vagazzler. Strange.

    Anyway. I started at 13, too. In my white Gloria Vanderbilt’s. On my grandma’s sofa. In my white Gloria Vanderbilt’s. Had no cramp or bill of sale to tell me it was coming.

    In my white Gloria Vanderbilt’s.

    And you know, my mother has been telling me for 78 years I was going through “the change.”

    I stump my toe? You’re going through the change!

    I fart? You’re going through the change!

    Now you’re on me about cooch breeze stuff.

    You sure make this topic much, much more fun than my mother does!! If I ever heard her say “lady bits”…the party would be on!

    Love you tons. Then a little bit more.

  34. i feel being confident just being my self!

  35. i feel most confident after i leave church or go on a morning hike:)

  36. Amanda Sakovitz

    July 27, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    I feel most confident after getting my hair cut and colored

  37. I feel most confident after I had a good night sleep and don’t look tired

  38. I’m glad to hear that you ladies are sorting out all this crazy s$!# before it’s my turn to hit the change! Way to blaze a trail 🙂 I feel most confident when I’m in the middle of getting my butt kicked at the gym.

  39. I feel most confident when a stranger complements me on my style. Love that!

    I may try these, but only if they smell mild and like soap. No sweet or flowers. The last thing I need is the bees flying up my skirt in search of pollen in the vajayjay!

  40. I feel most confident when I feel good about my self on the inside. when emotionally things are well

  41. EHRMAGERD!! Swermp crertch!! Totally could have used some o’ them there deodorisers for the crotchal region … 9 mos pregnant plus heat & humidity plus sitting on my lardy butt all day at work equals NASTINESS “down there.”

    I will feel at my most confident when I do not have to worry about my stank hovering in my cubicle and scaring away my coworkers …

  42. I feel most confident with 2 inch heels and a flowy dress. 🙂

  43. I’ve got to check out these new products! I feel confident when I look good.

  44. Tiffany Winner

    July 28, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    when i have a good hair day i feel more confident, thismomwins@gmail.com

  45. when i like my outfit and am doing something fun!

  46. Jennifer Marie

    July 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

    I feel most confident after I have had a good day at work.

  47. i feel most confident when i am wearing nice clothes and have my hair and makeup fixed nicely

  48. I feel most confident when I wear nice clothes, jewelry & have my hair done nicely.

  49. I feel most confident when I do what I love, which is to cook for my family.
    Amy [at] utry [dot] it

  50. I feel most confident when I feel fit, am dressed well and appropriate.
    tcarolinep at gmail dot com.

  51. Alrightie. This is going to sound like a tampon commercial, but….I feel most confident when horsebackriding. There I said it. Riding is relaxing, takes your mind off all your woes, and is liberating. Shall I place a call in to Proctor and Gamble now? LOL!

  52. I feel most confident when I’ve just written something I’m proud of.

  53. when I get a good haircut and hubby and I go out for the day

  54. I tweeted
    https:/twitter.com/elliebunny24/status/230868644106747904
    I hope this is the right link – it wouldn’t paste in so I had to type it in

  55. I feel most confident when I am am having a good hair day, had enough rest, and stay cool and calm

  56. I have been reading the BlogHer posts and appreciating the humor there. Humor is a big confidence builder in this case! But, seriously, having information and being prepared inspires confidence in me.

  57. tweet
    https://twitter.com/BBirdie2/status/231101084352004097

    (love the tweezers pic by the way)

  58. Having a cute outfit on!

  59. I feel most confident when I have learned something new and feel ready for a new challenge.

  60. I feel most confident when my husband compliments me!

  61. Tweeted but couldn’t paste the link…
    Twitter is @chambanachik

  62. Right after I run which coincidentally is when I need a v-jay-jay Stick-Up the most. Ellen

  63. I’m most confident when I’m working out and immediately after. In reality, those are the moments that I looks a total mess…but I don’t feel it!

  64. I FEEL MOST CONFIDENT WHEN I FEEL LIKE I LOOK MY BEST!

  65. I feel confident when I think I did a good job at work, or cooked a nice meal, or knitted something nice. Thanks for the review and giveaway.
    songyueyu at gmail

  66. When I have my makeup on

  67. Melinda Barkstrom

    August 6, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    I feel most confident when I am creative, solve problems, and when I meditate. Oh yeah, and especially when I smell good!

  68. I like what I heard on the Olympics coverage: Confidence is that little voice that tells you that you belong here. Brilliant!

  69. A new outfit always gives me confidence!

  70. I feel most confident with the people that love me

  71. I feel most confident when I accomplish things that are exspecially tough, and show others up while doing so, (shh but they have no idea Im gloating). 🙂 Who doesnt want to stay fresh?? Pass out the undie odor eaters Please, who doesnt need one, or a whole box?

  72. I feel the most confident when I’m playing with my nine month-old daughter and she laughs like a little maniac at something I did. It’s one heck of a confidence booster to make someone you love laugh that hard! 🙂

  73. When do I feel my most confident? Probably right after I’ve had my shower and been through my beauty routine and right before I actually walk out the door to tackle the activities of the day. I’m also oddly confident at the grocery store.

  74. Here is my tweet link and I hope I got the special unique term correct, since I can’t seem to copy from or paste to this page:

    https://twitter.com/tkharmonic/status/233866416846147584 (geez, I hope I typed that correctly)

  75. I feel confident when I am doing things I rock at – and when I get compliments later its a huge boost!

  76. I did the wrong format for my initial tweet, forgot the hashtag – here is the right format https://twitter.com/patis2000/status/233938349860220929

  77. First of all, menopause officially terrifies me so I feel most confident when I stay in my 30s? Actually when I have a new hairdo.

  78. I feel most confident when I am rested, fed and have a new manicure and pedicure.

  79. I feel most confident when my husband doesn’t say I smell like placenta. :/

  80. A new haircut always makes me feel confident!

  81. I feel the most confident when I have my hair looking great, nice makeup,an outfit that I really like and going to do something I really want to do ( like going out to restaurant, or spending time with friends and family).

  82. I feel most confident dressed up and looking sexy

  83. When I’ve achieved a goal

  84. I feel confident at most when I’m wearing my scarf.

  85. Kellie Rose Wilson

    August 15, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    I feel most confident in a new outfit!!

  86. I feel most confident after getting my waxing done and a pedicure!

  87. I feel most confident when my husband tells me how sexy I am. After 3 kids it’s always great to hear.

  88. tweeted. @jen_r_horn
    For some reason it’s not letting me copy and paste my tweet.

  89. I feel most confident when I’m freshly showered, make-uped, hair done, etc. It’s nice to know I look good!

  90. I feel most confident when I have gained as much true knowledge about a subject as I can so that I may discuss it intelligently.

  91. I feel most confident when I finish running my three miles. barbarashallue (at) yahoo (dot) com

  92. I feel confident when I have a cute new outfit

  93. tweeted as @ajoy1332
    it won’t let me paste it…

  94. When I’m volunteering and/or training volunteers in my community. From car-free Sundays to tree plantings there are so many ways to contribute and feel confident you are making the world a better place for everyone.

  95. I think that a sweet husband can be the real blessing through menopause. Mine tells me I’m sexy everyday!

  96. I feel most confident when it all works…hair, face (especially penciling in my non-existent eyebrows), and clothes…which means I rarely feel confident 🙁

  97. I feel most confident when I get a new doo, get a shower, put on a new outfit and go out to dinner and a movie and can be around all kinds of people and know that my Poise Pads will keep my dry with no leaks and no accidents.

  98. I feel confident when I smile! Thanks for a chance to win and have a great day!
    kmassmanATgmailDOTcom

  99. I feel confident when a group of us girlies are taking and laughing about things that happen with the “down there square”…LOL!

  100. I feel most confident when I’m dressed well and have my makeup done. When I wear better clothes than normal and take more time with my makeup it helps to boost my confidence.

  101. I am rarely confident any shape or form unless I’m comfortable and not likely to look bad or make a mistake that will lose me my job or car or whatever. So I’m most confident while at home either alone or with friends and doing something I enjoy and/or do well like read books or play trivia games.

  102. Well, let’s see. After a great accomplishment. And sometimes that can include mopping the kitchen floor.

  103. I feel most confident when I have a new haircut and color….once that gray is gone…I feel much better!

  104. i feel more secure and self-assured since i began using ‘poise’ products. ‘poise’ has evolved as well as my changing needs and i couldn’t be happier. from the powder room to the board room, i feel…successful.

  105. I feel most confident when I’m dressed in clothes that I like and when I’m having a good hair day!

  106. I feel most confident when I am dressed in a flattering outfit and my hair finally decides to cooperate (which isn’t very often).

  107. I feel most confident after I get my haircut! Always feels great!

  108. I feel most fresh that first hour after I’ve showered. After that? Forget it.

  109. I’m most confident when I’m out with my grandsons and everyone mistakes them for my children.
    Thanks for the giveaway!
    eswright18 at gmail dot com

  110. You always do things the right way, Leslie. Well, maybe not always. It’s not like I’m married to you or you control my allowance. I’m just saying, in the world of sponsored giveaways as you’re diving into it, this one looks very organized and appealing.

  111. I feel my most confident when I’m talking to someone regarding something I really know about. Something I’m passionate about- be it my family, my parenting style (if they ask) or my blog.

  112. I feel confident now because all the worse things in life are behind me, I survived all of them and getting older is really fun.

  113. I feel most confident when I have had a good nights sleep.

  114. I feel most confident when I am prepared and well rested

  115. I feel most confident when I’m with my friends.

  116. I feel most confident when someone tells me that the way I live my life has inspired them in some way or made them make a change to better the planet. Anytime good things you do become contagious is a true ego boost!

  117. I feel most confident when I’m in the swimming pool teaching my Arthritis Class.
    Thanks for the contest.

  118. having nice crisp clothes makes me feel confident! Thanks for a super giveaway!

  119. Tweeted:
    https://twitter.com/anashct3/status/239199320866439168
    Thanks for the chance to win!
    email: anashct1 [at] yahoo [dot] com

  120. I feel most accomplished when I watch my professional daughter raising her three children and doing many of the family things I did when raising my children. It proves the theory of leading by example!!!

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