Last Wednesday I shared with you that my semi-anonymous blogging cover had been blown and I was struggling with what to do about it.
On the one hand, I was very uncomfortable with the notion of my kids’ friends reading my blog. I definitely don’t want to have to censor myself, but I also don’t want to be responsible for teaching children about things like the most cost effective way to remove butt hair.
The other issue I’ve wrestled with for several years is how to write from the heart without getting my family ostracized by our community. We live in the quite provincial suburbs of Atlanta…a place where women call their vaginas their “down there” (while pointing at it and making the same face I make when I find a headless chipmunk on my back porch).
I mean, what if the good Christian mothers of my daughter’s scout troop discover my writing and conclude I’m unfit to lead their girls on an outing to the nursing home? Or what if my son’s preschool teachers don’t invite me for animal show-and-tell because they’re afraid I’ll say something inappropriate? Or worse, what if people treat my kids differently because of my opinions or drinking habits or odd hobbies?
I have to be honest with you, I was leaning toward something drastic like closing up shop per my motto: when the going gets tough, get drunk and cry.
But then I went to The Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Dayton, Ohio last weekend.
And three very Erma-esque things happened:
1.) I was surrounded by my tribe of humor writers who embraced me, energized me, and gave me wonderful support, encouragement, and advice.
Tricia, Nicole, Iris, and Ernie at our “Last Supper” of EBWW. (Photo credit: Kristen)
2.) I had the incredible fortune of hearing a number of inspirational keynote speakers like Dr. Gina Barreca, Adriana Trigiani, Connie Schultz, Ilene Beckerman, and Alan Zweibel who all resonated the same universal message: tell your truth without fear.
Iris with author Adriana Trigiani at her book signing Friday night.
“Don’t be afraid of what anyone thinks of your writing, EVER.” ~Adriana Trigiani
3.) And a first-time commenter named Kristen wrote this to me:
Iris,
In July of 2011 my husband was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, since then our lives have been turned upside down. Some days I don’t know whether I am coming or going. He underwent a stem cell transplant in February 2012 at Dana Farber Cancer Institute and the kids and I spent many, many hours at his bedside.
It was during this time of relentless hours spent trolling the internet that I saw a post my friend shared shared on Facebook. “DIY Feminine Hygiene Tips” was the heading, of course this sparked my curiosity, who wouldn’t have to see what this article consisted of?
I have to tell you that I laughed so loud that the nurses came in to see what was so funny, and I believe your blog now holds a spot on their board in the stem cell transplant unit. I do believe you have some faithful followers there as well.
The whole point to this story is to share with you the epiphany that you brought to me on that day. My 13 year old daughter started crying and said Mom, I haven’t seen you laugh in a long time. You, it was you Iris, that brought me back from the underworld. From that day on I vowed to smile every day and laugh at least once (which you so often help me do).
So I will SELFISHLY say D is my final answer. I can appreciate your predicament and completely understand if you should decide against it, I will follow you no matter where your jokes take me. You are my prozac!
Sorry – I know you like when I give you a tissue alert.
I swear I have read Kristen’s comment at least 50 times in the past 72 hours. I shared it with my friend Janet (Muffintop Mommy) while we were sitting next to each other in a stand-up comedy workshop and we were both blotting mascara off our cleavage. (No offense to the dude juggling mewling kittens and chainsaws, but we weren’t crying because of you.)
This comment perfectly illustrates another gem I heard this weekend at EBWW:
“Writing comedy is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to anybody anytime.” ~ Adriana Trigiani
I am so deeply humbled by the outpouring of love and support you – my regular readers – gave me with your comments last week. My cup truly runneth over.
So instead of shutting down my blog and/or starting over anonymously, I think I’ll try a different approach.
“Bad girls are the only ones with stories to tell.” ~ Gina Barreca
Hello. My name is Leslie Jeanne Marinelli and I am a writer.
Leslie with EBWW roommate Nicole of By Word of Mouth Musings.
WORD!!!!!!!! you can’t deprive the world of your hilarious view! kudos, girl!
You did it! You did it!
Atta girl. Will look forward to following the journey from here on out.
Garsh – I know, right? Thank you for listening to my hemming and hawing that day at lunch. It was so nice to have other writers to bounce my situation off of and look to for guidance. Thanks for stopping by to say howdy too, Nancy!
You go, girl! I purposely did not respond sooner because I didn’t want to influence your decision with my selfish reasons for continuing what you do so brilliantly! I am so proud to know you and I am so jealous that you got to meet one of my favorite writers..Adriana Trigiani!!! Love the pic! Two women that can make me laugh out loud! Thanks for all you do!
Oh Lisa, friend, thank you so much for being here and not trying to influence my decision. The fact that you are one of the few local friends I invited into my little secret world so long ago is a huge testament of how much I like and trust you! Thank you for everything.
Excellent news, Leslie!! You rock, girl – so glad you are pressing on! I look forward to reading and laughing more with you soon!!
I knew I was a lucky gal when you told me we were going to be friends.
Hell to the yeah, preach on, sister.
wow – so inspiring! looks like you just utterly nailed it.
now thinking, yeesh, i guess my thoughts were not so helpful or accurate!
but most importantly: loved what you said and so glad we can all still read your posts.
really wonderful post and just love the erma bombeck connection!!
I have the chills. And tears. SO PROUD OF YOU!! I love you so much & am always inspired by your honesty and amazing ability to make me laugh every stinkin’ (that’s my crotch) time. Go, Leslie, GO!!!
I love you too Jennifer! And your crotch. And your hilarious blog! Thank you for all the support and laughs and awesomeness. Having a friend like you who blogs without fear is so inspirational to me. XO!
Whenever I need to laugh, your blog is inevitably where I turn. Glad you’ll be sticking around….and more dancing videos, please!
You make me happy when skies are grey!!!!! Thanks for all the laughs and I’m so glad you’re going to keep them coming!!!
Amazing!
Look at you coming out of the closet.
At least I think that is what you did.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the septic tank. Thanks for staying on this side.
WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!
I am so grateful that you have decided to stay the course! I check your blog faithfully every day in the hopes that you will make me laugh out loud as you usually do. I have often thought you must have been a long lost friend, but alas, I don’t know anyone in Atlanta. However, my three favorite childhood friends were all named LESLIE!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for being REAL and REFRESHING. Losing you truly would have been like losing a very dear friend!!
Fuck you, Leslie. Now I’m crying! (So that was an emotionally embarrassed “fuck you,” not a legit, angry one.)
You have talent. And honey, talent will out. Glad you’re letting out instead of hiding it inside until it bursts forth from your abdomen like in Aliens. You have talent, but you’re no alien murdering Sigorney Weaver. Remember that, Leslie Jeanne.
First, yayayayayay!!!
Second, I had my own run-in with that kind of decision this weekend (on a muuuuuuuch smaller scale), and made the same decision.
I’m so glad you’re here to stay, Iris/Leslie/Teacher of new terms for vagina!
And yeah, I’m from the panhandle of Florida, so I know what you mean about the suburbanites not being able to refer to their “down there” with a little humor…quite sad, really…
Not many guys posting on this but I enjoy your blog. In the immortal words of somebody famous, “F*ck’em if they can’t take a joke.” I hope I never have to rad your feminine hygiene tips, though.
Keep up the good work.
Iris (may I still call you Iris?) – First, I am insanely jealous you went to EBWW, I was there in 2010 and couldn’t make it this year but loved it. Second, your post about having your cover blown is something I have struggled with since I started the blog, and I have teens. I just blogged about your blog and my struggles with it at my blog, at http://www.adayinthewife. I think you nailed it, and LOADS of moms deal with this same shit. Third, I’m afraid I’m going to have to stalk you now.
*read*
My mother would have been grateful to anyone who had explained the most cost effective way to remove butt hair, so that she didn’t have to sit down with me to have that conversation with paper strips, hot wax, and a peach. Consider your blog to be a public service.
I’ve learned over the years that there is little difference between creativity and spirituality. How you express yourself is as uniquely you as the color of your eyes. An iris controls the amount of light that reaches the retina, so perhaps you’re just shining light on the things that are matter to you. They may not be important to everyone, but they will be important enough to someone for whom it will make a difference, like Kristen.
There will always be someone who will be looking for something to be offended by, but why worry about it until it happens? Remember, the only person who can really make us feel about what we write is ourselves. It’s none of our business to judge what we write; our only job is to write authentically. Just take it word by word.
Good for you, Iris. Er, Leslie. So happy you made a decision and are excited and proud about it. Yay, you!
So … inquiring minds want to know … how’d you pick Iris Beard as your pen name? And is Iris Beard no more…?
Hooray! So glad you are rejuvenated and that you will continue to blog! And girl, I got here from your mention on the Huffington Post. You’re all kinds of famous all over the country! Ellen
Pft, I totally saw you at the EBWW and did not go up to you lest I appear a stalker, plus I’m really, really bad with faces and didn’t want to get close enough to stare at your chest to see if your name tag indicated anything about hairy irises. I definitely regret it! But I’m so glad you’ve decided to stick around, and way impressed that you’re being so open about it.
Also, my god that conference was amazing. I’m pretty sad that today there wasn’t a super-inspiring speaker at lunch or some guy that wouldn’t stop talking to me about funny shit following me around. Well, my 5-year-old did that, but we’re still working on his timing and delivery.
Anyway, in 2014, dagnabbit, I am definitely going to just out myself as the Internet stalker that I am and say hi.
The internet thanks you for your continued presence; I promise.
Darn it, Sarah! I wish you would have said hello. I’m totally used to people staring at my whiskers and sweater puppets, so don’t be shy next time! It definitely was tough to get back to reality after such a great weekend, wasn’t it?! Looking forward to meeting you in 2014.
Speak it, sister!!!!!!!! I am so happy to hear that your voice will still be loud and clear!
You rock, your blog rocks and your new ‘do rocks!
Kerry at HouseTalkN
Glad you are happy with your decision! Looks like a lot of others are too
Goddamned right you are.
Yee haw.
(And don’t ever pull that bullshit about skipping the tissue alert again.)
Wow! Way to be bold and unafraid. I feel like I “know” Iris and i just met Leslie, it’s so strange. This is my first comment on your blog but i love it and read all the time. You are so real and honest. As a writer and a person I love that. I would have dearly missed your blog. I use a fake name for my writing (lily, oh my gosh we both pretend to be flowers. Amazing.) as well, way to inspire me to actually connect what i say with who I am. Iri-er, Leslie, you are awesome.
Congratulations! Really beautiful post. So glad I had the chance to meet you last weekend and you are comfortable with your decision. Whooosh!
AWESOME!!! I was sooooo scared to click on your blog today and see if you had made a decision. I came to you in much the same way as your completely kleenex-worthy friend, in the darkest moments of my life. My life spun out of control on a dime when, one Thursday night, my husband attempted to commit suicide in the kitchen while I cooked. With 3 of our 4 children watching. Many many moons later, he left our family and there I sat, alone with no job or skills, no idea if he was safe (still don’t know) and no clue how to keep my head above water. The healing process has been slow and scattered with all kinds of broken glass but we’re making it. I ran across your blog on fb, from a friend that reposted the exact same title, and I am pretty sure I peed my pants laughing at you. I come here and read whenever it seems like there is more glass than road, which is less and less but, I read all of it until I’m caught up. You’re strong and hysterical and I LOVE it.
Don’t ever stop writing. You really are bringing a smile to people you have no clue about. I know I thank you, and I’m sure they do too!
Adrienne
I love you, Beardy. Lots.
Love your site and have shared it many times with Moms who need a laugh and to brighten their day! It always works.
I do have to say that when I saw what blog event you went to, it made so much sense. My Mom loved Erma Bombeck and I remember her reading exerpts from her book and crying and trying to explain it to me with me not having the same reaction. What’s so funny about that, Mom?
I’m a Mom now and I understand that you either laugh or cry. I choose to laugh and your blog helps me laugh, instead of cry, at myself. My Mom chose to laugh. Don’t stop blogging now or I might cry.
I meant to say my Mom was crying from LAUGHING so hard…..
Awesome. Brave. And more awesome. I’m so excited to see what comes next. But you’ll always be Iris to me. (Or, possibly, Mulva.)
OK, so wait… you’re name really isn’t Iris Beard??? No, I’m totally serious – I really thought it was Iris Beard. I mean, I’m friends with you on Facebook and YOUR NAME IS IRIS BEARD.
I’m glad you’re going to keep blogging. But I’m so confused.
(And that comment – WOW! Every writer should be so lucky as to get at least one note like that in their lifetime.)
Damn it. Now you’ve got me making grammatical mistakes in my confusion. Fuck you, Iris/Leslie.
OK, and now I can’t get Ace Ventura out of my head: “Finkel is Einhorn? Einhorn is Finkel???”
I am so glad you chose D. My thanks to you for the reliably real laughs and knowing someone else sees the absurdity of everyday life. Thankfully, you have a gift for making that absurdity really really funny.
Yeah. FUCK YEAH. Also. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I completely missed your near blogicide!!!! I am BEHIND in my blogging. But also, I think that wordpress hates me. I probably pissed off some wordpress god and now it disallows my subscriptions. I shall re-subscribe and see that I receive your posts once more. Because seriously. I would be very unhappy without your site.
I’ve been charmed by you since we first met. I’m so glad you are sharing your talent with the world!
Yay! I’m so, so glad you decided to stay with us. I stumbled across your blog early last year when I was hugely pregnant and on bed rest. I joked with my husband that I read your blog hoping my belly laughs would kick my labor into gear. Ever since, not a day goes by where I don’t check your blog for an update. You are, by far, my favorite blogger – for your humor, honesty, and devil-may-care attitude. So I want to thank you, Iris…Leslie…vagina ranter…poo maker, for doing what you do and sharing it with all of us.
You show em what you’re made of! Keep on truckin and makin us all pee our panties!~
You are a far braver lady than moi though….since my blogging cover was blown I’ve lost the will to blog because of thinking of what the brownie moms might think about some of my really filthy posts. But I didn’t even hide my identity very well so what did I expect!
I just discovered your blog…Hilarious!!! Where have you been all my life??!!!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. This makes me happy.
Iris/Leslie you should be awarded the Legion of Honour (whatever that is) for your courage. Oh I think it’s a Purple Heart in the USA? Or is that a drug? Whatever – I love your blog like I loved the Erma Bombeck books as both make me laugh out loud one minute and have a little weep the next. I am so very glad you will continue.
Ho.Lee.Sheet.
This post is everything awesome all at once.
I knew your name wasn’t Iris. (I figured you picked “Bearded Iris” because it sounded vaguely vaginal. And by vaguely I mean totally. And by vaginal I mean downthere-ish.)
Duh.
Anyway, yes.
Holy shit. Yes.
OK (a), this entire post gave me goosebumps, and (b), that reader’s comment about how you made her laugh when her life was falling down around her gave me a tear in my eye. Even though I am a pretty new reader, I want to say GOOD CHOICE. I’m so so happy you decided to stay, to be heard, to put yourself out there with humor. I need to take a page from your book. So anyway, hi Leslie, I’m Jessica. Nice to meet you.
AWESOME, except you made me ugly-cry. But that’s okay – this was so inspirational, and I’m beyond thrilled that you’re not only sticking around, but that you’re sticking around as the really real you. Bravo!
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Leslie! So nice to meet you! Love, love you. Glad you are keeping it up!
You’ve got HUGE balls, and I love you for that! You are a fabulous writer, and make me laugh so incredibly hard. I wish you were my neighbor… Congratulations on coming out, and best of luck in the future. I’m so happy you aren’t going anywhere. (BTW, when does your movie come out, and who’s playing you???)
;-P
I am so proud of you, and so relieved! Everything else I could say has been said by others above, but I, too, wanted you to know that I am among your grateful and loyal fans. Love your blog! Thank you for the laughs and for your decision to KEEP ON KEEPIN’ ON!
You’re damn right you’re a writer, Iris… uh, I mean, Leslie (that’s gonna take some getting used to.) Because if you’re not a writer, then I’m not a wine loving, frequently innappropriate girl scout momma, who struggles to be a good wife and a better Christian, while dealing with the realities of the world in the best way I know how… with a little humor. I get why it would be oh-s0-disturbing to have your kids’ friends know stuff they shouldn’t know about you, and why its not entirely safe to have the world know too much about your family, but the CALLING to help those of us who love you, the power you have to make people feel a little less alone, less weird, less ordinary… well, dear, that’s worth the risk. Don’t you think? Protect yourself, but be you. And keep on truckin’.
Proud of you…as usual!!! So important to find fulfilling things for ourselves…and what a relief because we shouldn’t have to make major life changes based on other mothers lack of parental supervision on the internet…Remind me to fill you in on our latest that just happens to be on the subject…It involves porn and you can probably guess which child!!! OY!!!
I saw your headline yesterday and knew I shouldn’t read it until I was 1.Alone,
2.Lubricated/Inebriated, 3.Armed with another fresh glass of wine. Sadly I had company till late, and didn’t want my husband to witness whatever fallout resulted so I had to wait till now to read the verdict.
So now I’m sobbing into my wine, thankfully, happily, joyously, and all that jazz. Many a night I count the minutes till I can pour me a glass (okay-goblet) and sit to read what’s going on in your world- and it gets me through, I would miss you terribly if you left.
Bless you and your family for being so awesome, and thank God for those who were put in your path to get you to come to this decision!