I put the FREAK in freak accidents!

I’m no stranger to freak accidents.

When I was 10 I actually fell through a rotten wooden picnic table at a birthday party and broke my arm.

One time when I was in high school, my cousin Matt high-fived me a little too enthusiastically and broke one of my fingers.

I once attempted to catch an open tin can that I had accidentally knocked off the counter. That so’mbitch cut my hand open so wide I could see the bone.

And perhaps you recall the time I tried to pet a snapping turtle. (Doy-yoy-yoy.)

Well, I may have topped my record for stupidest accident this week. And that’s why I haven’t been around much, in case you noticed. (And if you noticed, thank you!)

But let’s start with a riddle to make it more fun! What do you get when you combine a 42 year old deeply sleeping woman, a vivid nightmare about forgetting to turn off the oven, and a hard linoleum bathroom floor?


Yep. That’s me…in the ER Thursday afternoon.

Apparently I got dizzy when I jumped out of bed too fast at 3 AM Thursday morning to turn off the oven (in my dream) and then I fainted in the bathroom and landed FACE FIRST on the floor.

My sweet husband (already awake from me screaming “Oh my God! I forgot to turn off the oven!”) heard the thump and came running only to find me lying face down like a rag doll on the bathroom floor. I remember hearing him try to rouse me with “Are you okay?! Can you hear me?” and then he manhandled my limp body back to the bed. Unfortunately, he probably did more damage trying to hoist my dead-weight ass off the floor than I did landing smack on my kisser, because my neck and back are even more sore than my bruised and battered punim* today.

But the scariest part? When he picked my unresponsive body off the floor and I slowly “came to,” I was completely blind. I couldn’t even tell that there were lights on in the room. And the blindness lasted for about 3 minutes. Without a doubt, it was the single most frightening experience of my life. Even more frightening than that time I accidentally saw my grandma naked. {shudder}

Yeah, we probably should have called an ambulance, but it was 3 AM and all three of my kids were sound asleep. Plus, there was no way in hell I was going to let my neighbors see me being carried away on a gurney in my BITE ME (Primanti Brothers) t-shirt with a mangled face shouting “HEY! WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?” Like I’d give anyone that kind of gift. Sorry, I’m just not that generous.

So I did what my Dad told me to do the first time I fractured my arm when I was 7 after I rode my bike into a parked car, and I “shook it off.” I took 4 Advil, put an icepack on my pie hole, and cried myself to sleep wondering what the hell was wrong with me that I would pass out like that. (If you’re playing along at home, you know I haven’t had a sip of alcohol in 5 weeks.)

Are you with me so far?

When I woke up a few hours later I was sore, foggy headed, and worried. My husband took the day off and drove me to my doctor. She did a bunch of neurological tests and an EKG. Everything looked good. But she was really concerned about me temporarily losing the sight in both of my eyes, so she sent me to the Emergency Room for some more tests.

Yada yada yada, a quick stop at a drive-thru for a spicy chicken sandwich, and then next thing I knew I was hooked up to an IV with my head in a tube for a CT Scan.

Luckily for me, my husband does a great Arnold Schwarzenegger impression from the movie Kindergarten Cop: “It’s not a tumor.” Because seriously, I was so sure that the doctor was going to come back and tell me I had a growth the size of a honey dew melon that I was pretty darn scared.

But guess what?!

It’s not a tumor. 

My fainting was caused by mild dehydration, my extraordinarily low blood pressure, and standing up too fast.

So the good news is that I’m fine.

Well, as fine as one can be with a black eye, a fat lip, a sore shoulder, and a stiff neck.

You do not even want to know what kind of looks I was getting at the preschool Easter Egg hunt yesterday.

And my daughter went to school and told her teacher, the Room Mom, and her track coaches that I fell in the middle of the night and hit my head, so you know those Nosy Nellies are all “Glug-glug, wink-wink!”

Honestly, my pride hurts more than my face.

And so that’s where I’ve been the last few days.

Don’t worry, I have a check up scheduled for next week and have been religiously keeping myself hydrated since I got home from the hospital.

Now please tell me you have some kind of asinine freak accident story to share so I don’t feel like such a dork.


*Punim is Yiddish for “face.” Get your mind out of the gutter.

About The Bearded Iris

Leslie Marinelli is a writer, humorist, blogger, life hacker, and invisible vessel for grandchildren and PTA donations.
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128 Responses to I put the FREAK in freak accidents!

  1. Emily says:

    OMG, mild dehydration does kill! I used to have that going on too. Except I mostly “only” got migraines, except for the time I passed out on the blacktop in 2nd grade, and my glasses got mashed into my forehead when I landed, so I had a bruise on my forehead that made me look like Mickey Mouse, and half of one eyebrow had gotten yanked out by the splintered safety-glass lenses. That was a look, lemme tell ya.

    The only bone I’ve ever broken happened this winter, though. I broke my toe. ON MY SON. Yeah. He wanted me to chase him, and he tripped and curled up in the fetal position on the floor because I was about to catch him (standard play in that sort of situation), and my toe wedged into his foot *juuuuust* right. I tried to shake it off too, because it was bedtime, the hubby had evening shift and wouldn’t be home for hours, it was Thanksgiving/Wee Girl’s birthday the next day, and SURELY I had just banged it up a bit. By next morning that one toe was all swollen and funny-colored and hurt like bejeezus. BUT (haha!) I know for a fact no one can “set” a broken toe. I have nurse friends, and they totally know. So I messaged one of my nurse friends, traded a few awesomely lewd jokes about stuffing turkeys, and got her confirmation that when a toe is broken, you effing tape it and go about your business. Done and DONE. And that’s how I managed not to spend Thanksgiving in the emergency room.

  2. EMA says:

    Oh, so nice to “meet” someone who’s also that 1 person in 1000 that things happen to . . .

    I stumbled over the vacuum cleaner and got a compound fracture of both bones in my right arm. Still have beautiful keloids to remind not to do that again.

    Also, when I had LASIK, the laser malfunctioned and pierced my cornea. I ended up with emergency corneal surgery and 5 stitches in my right eyeball. Needless to say, ain’t no one getting near my eyes with a laser again. I should also note that my uncle invented a new type of laser that makes that type of accident nearly impossible now, so LASIK is much safer than it was 12 years ago. But still.

    So, much sympathy!

  3. Molly says:

    This week at work (I’m a teacher) I reached to get something out of the fridge, stood up and whacked my head. I had to drag myself, with tears running down my face (shut up, it really hurt!) down the hallway to the nurse, where she promptly checked me out and gave me a sheet that read “Your child ____ has sustained a head injury at school today” and told me to give it to my mommy. lol

  4. Amanda Andrus says:

    I did miss you this week. I am so glad that you are okay and it wasn’t a tumor. What did you eat before bed to cause you to have such a vivid dream? Sorry about what happened. Only you could make us laugh in a situation like this. Feel better soon.

  5. When I was a teenager, my friend Danny won tickets to a Bon Jovi concert and called me to invite me along. I got so excited I jumped up (on the stairs of course) hit the little half wall above me head on, which knocked me back on my ass, on which I slid down the rest of the stairs, hitting the back of my head on the way. Recap: forehead, ass, and back cranium injuries in one jump. I still went to see Bon Jovi 20 minutes later. Hope you feel better.

  6. Sarah says:

    We couldn’t afford a honeymoon, so two days after we got married, we were home in our teeny apartment and my husband got up to go to work. He also got up too fast, got dizzy, and fell. He hit the door frame of the closet, bounced off of it and smacked into the dresser, then bounced off of THAT and hit the door frame again! Soooo… two days after his wedding he showed up at work with cuts on both sides of his face and a black eye. No one in his office wanted to mess with me after that!

    Hope that makes you feel better. :)

  7. Ninja Mom says:

    First, thank God your tunic is okay! No, your Purim. Nope. Well, your face, anyway. And you brain. Tumors, no thank you.

    Second, I was all fainty when I was preggers with the twins and my mother, she’s obviously deranged, wanted me to walk around with a helmet on. I didn’t. Neither did I faint on my punim.

    My non-accident life is freakish enough. I guess, God’s given me a pass in the accident department, so far.

  8. Bernie Bickers says:

    Well now I can’t sleep – was the oven on or wasn’t it!?!??!


    • Nice. This is the concern I get from my oldest friend.

      No, it was not on. But it was on my mind when I went to sleep because I had run the “self-clean” cycle earlier that night. Like I’ll ever do that again. Pfffft.

      I’m pretty sure you only read my blog as a constant feel-good reminder that you totally dodged a bullet when we decided to be ‘just friends’ 22 years ago. Happy to serve.

  9. Vanna says:

    How scary! A least you didn’t smash your head on the counter. Don’t feel bad I’ve heard way worse stories. Feel better soon <3

  10. Michele says:

    1. I stood up too fast from a warm bath after a long day on my bike without eating or drinking enough and WHAM! I took out my lovely jewelry chest on the way down and woke up some time later hearing myself making a weird “ung ung ung” noise in a small pool of blood (just a chin gash fortunately). Note: I’d been on a pretty harsh fad diet at the time.

    2. My friend had to take an urgent deuce at 3am and passed out on the toilet – he was found pants down and rushed to the ER to get stitches in his eyebrow, which was gashed open. He’d also been on a crash diet foisted upon him by his wife. (My ER doc friends assure me that this is a shockingly common phenomenon – passing out on the toilet.)

    3. My aunt came home to find her husband passed out in the hallway in a pool of blood, with all the pictures knocked off the wall on the way down – he’d had an antibiotic reaction, and was not then nor has he ever to my knowledge been on a diet.

    So my question for you …. have you been dieting??????? Eat something, chica! And chug some water before bed.

    4. Oh, that also reminds me of the time I slept-walked off the top of a bunk bed at camp and work up the next morning with a broken wrist. True story. No dieting involved, only wacky southern religious camp praying and summer Texas heat.

    • Okay, first of all, LOVE the word ‘deuce’ in this context. Gets me every time.

      Secondly, no, I have not been dieting, unfortunately. I have done some of those fad diets and they never make me dizzy because I find myself drinking so much more water as part of their plan.

      I really think this is all just a factor of my freakishly low blood pressure (88/55), standing up too quickly out of bed, and being mildly dehydrated. The only part of that equation I have any control over is the water drinking, so now I’m making that a bigger part of my life. I actually had a really healthy dinner the night before this happened (chicken, rice, broccoli), and a midnight snack of Sun Chips, so I know it’s not diet related. But thank you for your concern and advice! :)

  11. ghfool says:

    You might be experiencing vasovagal syncope. My S2BXW suffers from that and something else that you obviously don’t have since you still love your husband.

    • YES! “Vasovagal syncope”!!! My ER doctor mentioned that as a probable cause. People with really low BP have a harder time getting the blood from their hearts to their heads when they stand up quickly…causes fainting. Being adequately hydrated helps the blood flow.

      Sounds like your S2BXW has a hard time getting the blood from her head to her heart too. :(

      • KC says:

        I just totally misread ‘vasovagal’. And then I read your explanation of what it was…and knew I’d missed something. Or rather in-cluded something I shouldn’t have.

  12. Mama Donn says:

    Your Mom didn’t get hysterical, but I did.

  13. LizzieM says:

    Making a birthday cake…
    Watching the mixer go round and round…
    Leaning over….
    Long hair….
    ’nuff said???

  14. Lori says:

    So glad that you are okay — just started reading your blog a few weeks ago and would be seriously sad to not see it appear in my email on a regular basis. You always make me laugh…sometimes out loud, in my office, around other people who then look at me strangely. Well, given my personality, maybe they always look at me strangely.
    While I have had my share of weird (usually brought on by some stupid act — keep reading — that is entirely my own fault) accidents. The one that comes to mind is the broken foot I got while doing a cartwheel in a very small kitchen while dressed as a clown and in full clown make-up. The ER docs were vastly amused and couldn’t resist telling me to…you got it…”stop clownin’ around.” To my credit, I was practicing for a local parade. I did walk in the parade, but refrained from doing cartwheels. :)

  15. Jessie says:

    Obviously the wine was keeping you hydrated. Logical conclusion…go back on the sauce! Glad that you are OK….take care of that punim…your stories are always the highlight of my week. Mwah!

  16. Lizzie says:

    My husband did the same thing one night while leaping out of bed from a deep sleep because he heard one of the kids screaming (he had dreamed that part–all the kids were sound asleep). All of a sudden I heard a thud and I found him lying on the floor of my son’s room. Then he proceeded to do it two more times on his way back to our room, culminating in a crash into our dresser. And because I am a very mild-mannered, calm kind of person, I called 911 immediately because I was convinced he was having a stroke, and hysterically called a neighbor at 3am to watch all 4 kids. The EMTs couldn’t find anything wrong, so I rushed him to the ER. He was mortified but I was uncontrollable. After a zillion tests over the course of many weeks, the official diagnosis was “I guess he fainted because his blood pressure got low and he got out of bed too fast.” Now I’ve forbidden him from helping the kids in the middle of the night, a punishment that I’m sure he secretly loves.
    Hope it makes you feel better to know these things happen to other people too!
    Oh, and as for my own stories: when I was a kid, I didn’t know what the cigarette lighter thing in the car was, so once I pushed it in, then took it out, noted that it looked red hot inside, and touched it to my nose. Yes, my nose. Had a giant blister on there for weeks. Another time I took the toilet plunger and stuck it to my stomach and then couldn’t get it off. I pulled and I pulled and I pulled and finally had to go find my mom to help. GIANT belly hickey.

  17. Leighann says:

    I can so relate to this…
    It’s a little creepy how much.
    I fell off of a picnic table in high school and almost broke my nose.
    My brother kicked my hand in elementary school and broke my finger.
    At the zoo once an Emu bit my finger.

    and my proudest moment? waking up in the middle of the night when I was sleeping in the spare room, forgetting I was in there and heading to the bathroom.. and then smacking face first into the wall.

    I hope you are feeling better soon!!

  18. Melissa says:

    OMG! :( Glad you seem to be doing okay – yikes! Poor thing.

    That sort of thing used to happen to me a lot (and still does sometimes) – passing out after standing up too fast usually due to a combination of low blood pressure and lots of stress, oddly enough – in my case that is. It used to freak my boyfriend-at-the-time out a lot. :-S

    Hope the rest of the tests come back normal! :)

  19. Critter says:

    Bless your heart.

  20. DRINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol.

    If it makes you feel any better, I epoxy’ed my fingers together on Friday.
    That shit gets H-O-T, yo!

  21. El Barto says:

    Glad my big sissy-pooh is all right-holla at your ninja

  22. Kristin says:

    Wah! I just got a chance to read this – very late – and I hope you’re fully recovered by now. Is leaving the oven on all night a bad thing? Thanks for the PSA.

  23. Pingback: What NOT to do when someone faints. | The Bearded Iris

  24. I’m so glad you are ok! As usual, I am late to the party.

    I am always telling my kids to take their socks off in my inlaws’ house, because they have really slick hardwood floors…only God knows what they use to clean those suckers, but you could ice skate on them.

    The morning after Thanksgiving I was exhausted and grouchy. I was in flannel head to toe because I was freezing, and had my favorite pair of wool socks on. I grabbed two full cups of coffee and then my son did something to make me angry so I instructed him to “get downstairs, NOW, so we can discuss this with your father!” (one of my prouder parenting moments). While double fisting the piping hot coffee, I round the corner with my son following, and hit that first top step like a scene out of the The Three Stooges. Feet came right out from under me and I literally flew straight up in the air, unable to catch myself on the way down due to my double fisting habit. Coffee flew all the way up the crown moulding, cups shattering in slow motion as I landed directly on my tailbone. I could not get up. I couldn’t walk for a day and limped for a week. Wrist hurt for three months…pretty sure I had a hairline fracture, but who has time to get x-rays when you’re a mom? Not me! The positive side is, at least now my son believes me when I tell him it’s a bad idea to wear socks on the hardwood floors.

    Gracefully yours,

  25. Jennifer says:

    Sweetheart! OMG. I was wondering what was up. I go away for a week and look at all the trouble you get yourself into. That sounds like it was incredibly scary. I’m so glad your beautiful brain is a-okay. Hopefully by now your beautiful face is starting to heal up as well. Wish I lived close by so I could bring you a big matzoh ball and a huge hug. Sending you a ton of love!!

  26. Holywow bejeeeesus! Talk about being blindsided.

    Um well, I fell off the ski lift and broke my leg if that makes you feel any better – and I hope you’re feeling better!

  27. I’m sure it was the *same* exact thing when Steve Tyler fell in his shower a while back. (glug-glug, wink-wink)

    Seriously. Dude. I’m glad you’re OK. I can’t lose you to a tumor – not when I just found you, my long-lost sister from another mister.

    And I’ve done the fainting thing before (from attempting to walk on a severely sprained ankle). It’s scary stuff.

  28. Jessica says:

    That is crazy, I am so glad you are okay despite doing everything wrong. Seriously, glad you are okay.

    Alright here is one of my best/worst:

    While in college on a freezing Michigan day I was all hunched over in my big puffy coat and hat heading out of the parking structure and not really looking where I was going (totally the reason for most of my freak accidents). I apparently walked directly UNDER the yellow arm that comes down in between letting cars into the structure while it was up. Did I mention there was a hood on my puffy coat? Well as I’m obliviously walking something hits me in the head hard and I’m dizzy but while dizzy I’m also being lifted into the air. BY THE YELLOW PARKING ARM. The thing had hit me in the head then hooked into the hood of my coat and started lifting my skinny college butt off the ground. Luckily or not luckily it didn’t have a great hold on my hood and it dropped me to the cement. I pretty much crawled out from under the arm while waving off the people getting out of their cars who had seen it happen while waiting in line to get in the structure. Everyone wanted to take me to the med school on campus but I was too mortified. I was completely disoriented and just walked my college campus. I ended up with nothing serious, just a dent in my head a new winter coat sans hood and one more story to add to my long “How have I actually made it this far?” list.

    • What a vision! I can just see you being lifted into the air, Jessica. I don’t think I will ever look at one of those yellow parking gate arms again without thinking of you and seeing you midair in your puffy coat! Glad you lived to tell this awesome tale!

  29. tracy@sellabitmum says:

    Oh MY HELL! Only you could make this funny. Thinking about you. xo

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  31. Stacey H. says:

    Mrs. Dumas,
    I really like your gown. I’m surprised you figured out it ties in the back. Apparently, B can’t handle her water. Go back to wine so you won’t end up in the ER again, Mama!

    Glad you didn’t bump your Pudum AND your Punim. That first one can really cause some genital swelling and discomfort! They better let you out before Ermie.
    Ms. Lil Concern

  32. Sig says:

    Oh dear. Was directed to this post by another faithful reader, as I have been offline a bit myself here. Glad to see you’re basically ok…minus the mortification factor, of course.

    If it makes you feel any better…..
    when I was in high-school, I worked as a hostess for the local dinner theatre. It was theatre in the round, the stage was in the center of the room and there were tables and chairs all the way around it. My job was to wear a nice, fancy, full-length formal gown while guiding people to their tables.
    So, I’ve led this couple to their seats, and I need to get back to the other side of the theatre to get back to my hostess station. Easiest way to do this? Simple! Cut across the stage!
    That way, you give the audience the best vantage point when you trip over the edge of your gown, face plant on the stage, and slide across to land, in a crumpled heap, at the edge of stage left.

    Ta-da! *curtsey*

  33. Kara says:

    The exact same thing happened to my friend Dana while on vacation in the Bahamas last month. Only she broke some teeth AND her jaw on both sides. Worst part: she had to fly back to Atlanta to a “real” hospital bc there was apparently nothing appropriate where they were. That’s with no pain meds. Sorry for both of these freak accidents.

    • Oh my GOD! Your poor friend! I hope she is doing better. That must have been so horrifying. I’m envisioning her looking/feeling like that guy in A Million Little Pieces on the plane (even though he confessed his book was not an accurate memoir, but still, that scene has never left me.)

  34. Betsy says:

    Not sure why it’s September and I am just now reading this but whatever. I normally just read your comments and laugh and laugh….not at you….with you.

    Anyway, last summer I was sitting on the floor folding copious amounts of my families’ laundry and had an “ah shit, I forgot to …..” moment and jumped straight up from the floor and took off running to do whatever just popped into my brain and my toe got caught on a pair of my husband’s underwear and I fell hard. I ended up with “turf toe” which is an injury usually associated with professional football players falling on astro turf.


  35. Betsy says:

    Wait, I have more. Did I mention the story about donating blood?

    Donated blood and went into the bathroom and peed whatever fluid was still in my body and then face planted in the bathroom with my pants down. After breaking into the bathroom and reviving me, the nice blood center staff half carried me with my pants partial on through the waiting room to a gurney so I could rest. Pretty sure I cleared the waiting room.

  36. Roshni says:

    I’m pretty sure you’re alright by now…so I’m mildly interested in the story about seeing your grandma naked!! :P

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  38. Brittany says:

    OK I love your blog even more now! When I was a kid my mom used to mutter “offoffoffoffoff” and waggle her pointer finger in the kitchen right before we would leave the house, every time, without fail. I had no idea what she was doing but I look up to my mom so I’d follow behind her and wait until she left the room before saying “offoffoffoffoff” and waggling my own finger. Turns out she was double checking the stove and oven knobs to be sure it was off. (OK I can hardly write “knobs” after your latest post) Ahem. All that to say, I COMPLETELY relate to your panic-I’m OCD about the stove to this day, thanks to Mom. ;) (and I’ve fallen on my face a number of times for lesser reasons! ha)

    • This is priceless! I just know I’m going to start hearing myself saying “offoffoffoffoff” when I walk out of the kitchen from now on. I already talk to myself when I lock doors. Cuckoo!

      • Brittany says:

        I’m just glad we aren’t alone in our paranoia! My husband is probably sick of me asking, “did you lock the doors?” every single time we leave the car. Maybe if he just trilled out his own little offoffoffoffoff jingle I’d stop having to ask.

  39. Kmary says:

    I haven’t been here in soooo long…I have missed reading your blog. Just wanted to share that, in my efforts to “get shredded” in 30 days with Jillian Michaels, I decided to skip a few weeks. So, during the chest fly exercise (note: laying on back on concrete basement floor), instead of using 3# hand weights I beefed it up to 8# weights. Then I proceeded to drop one of the dumbbells on my sternum. Hurt. Like. A S’mbitch. I think something’s a little loose in there….but I’m too stubborn to seek medical advice. Hey, on the positive side, maybe I’ll end up with a third boob in time for beach season.

    • OMG – that sounds so painful! A third boob is definitely a good way to look on the bright side. You’ll be super popular at the beach this summer!

      Welcome back and that’ll teach you to put your physical health before your blog reading (tsk tsk.) JK – I hear that 30 Day Shred is awesome. Do you recommend it?

      • Kmary says:

        Yes, 30 Day Shred is awesome. Gotta give major props to Jillian Michaels. She is ripped, shredded, buff….sounds like I might have a girl crush on her. But seriously, that workout rocks! I also have her Six Pack in 6 Weeks Abs DVD as well as The Biggest Loser Cardio Max. I gained serious weight last year….back injury, depression, job I hated blahblahblah…Anyway, my back is better and my goal is to lose 30+ lbs, run 5K and 10K races this summer and half-marathon in September. Since the first of the year, with diet changes and exercising I have lost 16 lbs. I also do group cycling class “spinning” 3 mornings a week. That is, if I get my booty up at 415 to be ready for a 515 class. And, it has been freaking cold lately (live in Wisconsin) and I really hate wind chills of 20 BELOW zero. Soooo, sometimes I boycott the classes and do an extra round of Shred. To make a looonnng recommendation, short: I recommend 30 Day Shred to anyone :)

  40. Kate says:

    I know this old, but I can’t NOT post my comments! I am the family joke regarding my clumsiness!

    1. At work, I was sitting at the desk with one foot curled up under me, sitting on it. I didn’t realize it was asleep! I jumped up to answer the phone, and my foot buckled under me, but it was numb so I didn’t think much of it. 2nd step, and it buckled again – this time fracturing my ankle and tearing tendons and ligaments.

    2. 4 days before my due date with #2, I fell down the stairs, breaking BOTH feet. Going through labor with broken feet is NOT fun, let alone trying to carry the baby around postpartum!

    3. My feet slipped out from under me, and I fell down the stairs. Hairline fractured my pelvic bone. To this day, I still hear “Mom broke her butt!”

    I could go on and on… but I will leave you with my favorite…

    4. Sitting on my mom’s couch after a holiday meal… and a blade from the ceiling fan flies off and hits me in the forehead! I probably should have had stitches, but we used some tape and I was all good!

  41. Maia Kazemir says:

    You have got such an amazing way with words and I adore reading your adventures.

    I wanted to share a blog post I wrote about my “near death” (or at least felt like it), shower experience.

    I sure hope you are doing better now and keeping hydrated

    *Raises wine glass to you as only uncoordinated and graceless kindreds can

    Maia (The Crabby Witch)


  42. Ashleigh says:

    I have passed out publicly more times than I can count. Most embarrassing was in a room full of co-workers standing around our cubicles during a netting and then having them call 911 and have my mother pick my grown ass up from work. Another time was as a teenager on a plane ride home from Seattle, I was feeling sick from a migraine I had gotten earlier and when I got up to go to the bathroom at the back of the plane, the bathroom was occupied and the next thing I knew some eastern European lady is in my face about to give me some mouth to mouth action. I also blacked out last summer after standing up way too fast after smoking a cigarette on my front porch and scared the shit out of my fiance because I didn’t tell him I was going to faint, ya know, because I plan for this shit to happen.

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