A Full Circle Sausage Moment

read me in the powder roomChildbirth stories: they aren’t for the faint of heart…or stomach. But like most challenges in life, the end product can make the humiliation sting just a little bit less. And by end product, I mean baby, and by humiliation, of course I mean poop. You can read about my first, far from idyllic birth experience, In the Powder Room today. Bring some wet-wipes.

shit happens - a really crappy childbirth story

And as an extra special bonus like a good meaty placenta, my friend Glen, aka “The Regular Guy,” and I have teamed up to present a “he said/she said” take on childbirth. Glen has written a delightfully funny piece titled “Childbirth is not for ladies.” Do yourself a favor and read his column today too. He absolutely slays me every week.

fondly and with a firmly ingrained aversion to sausage,

-Iris

About The Bearded Iris

Leslie Marinelli is a writer, humorist, blogger, life hacker, and invisible vessel for grandchildren and PTA donations.
This entry was posted in lady business, marital bliss, poop, pregnancy and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to A Full Circle Sausage Moment

  1. Deanna says:

    Is it wrong that after reading that I thought “Man, sausage and peppers would be amazing right now!”??? I was extremely grateful for the toilet during my second delivery.

  2. Rachel Fruitloop says:

    Yes, it was Italian sausage that did me in when I gave birth to my first son as well. But I first began to regret my meal choice when I vomited about a gazillion times before I finally got the epidural. Good times, indeed.

  3. Kristen K says:

    “(Oh, can you hear that? It’s the world’s smallest violin playing a rousing rendition of the You ASSHOLE! Sonata in F sharp)”

    The F sharp got me. F sharp, indeed.

    Mike threw out his back when I was pregnant, and I had to help him to the car and into the doctor’s office…. I had to sort of piggy back him inside… I’m surprised that I didn’t drop a deuce then.

  4. Cannot…stop…laughing…at this:

    “Unless, of course, you don’t mind your b-hole acting like a Play-DOH Fuzzy Pumper Barber Shop extruder while you’re pushing.”

    And I know for sure there is something “off” about me because while I’m laughing, I’m contemplating what I want to eat for breakfast.

    I know. I’m every ounce of wrong there is.

  5. Glen says:

    see – you were worrying for nothing :-) great read

  6. Jennifer says:

    I can’t wait I can’t wait I can’t wait!

  7. Jennifer says:

    Fucking hilarious. I must repeat these gems:

    It’s the world’s smallest violin playing a rousing rendition of the You ASSHOLE! Sonata in F sharp

    Unless, of course, you don’t mind your b-hole acting like a Play-DOH Fuzzy Pumper Barber Shop extruder while you’re pushing

    and, “Actually, you’ve been pooping for a while,” —>when I sharted laughing so hard.

    I love you.

  8. Karen says:

    Iris: It was corned beef & cabbage that did me in w/child #3. With #4 the DH was on crutches because he had chipped a bone in his ankle. The nurses gave him more attention than I got during delivery to make sure he was comfortable. My God, give him a stool & let him be “comfortable.” Get this small child out of my vaj-jay & I’ll be comfortable! I also got to have my entire labor w/#4 on a gurnee because there were no rooms available & this was going to be my 1st chance at one of those snazzy rooms where u could go from labor-delivery in the same room. Nothing worse than trying to move over to a delivery table while you’re in labor!

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