The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Welcome to Funky Town, population: ME.

Have you ever unwittingly rounded the corner in your own home only to discover one of your children doing something SO stinkin’ cute you thought your heart would pop right out of your chest and roll down the hallway?

If you are a parent, you surely have. Even if your babies are the fur baby variety, this is probably a familiar scenario. Right?

And of course, you never have a video camera rolling at that moment, or even a camera of any kind within arm’s reach.

God forbid you were to run for said camera because you just KNOW that by the time you returned the moment would be gone.

So you freeze and hold your breath and press the “record button” in your mind, hoping to never ever ever forget what you are seeing.

Well, as luck would have it, I walked in on my 4 year old son Bucket Head getting down to the song Funky Town by Lipps Inc. the other day. You know the phrase “dance like nobody is watching”? That is exactly what I witnessed. I’m telling you, it was a sight to behold.

But it wasn’t just his resplendent dance moves, oh no. Homeboy was singing along while he was shaking his money maker.

I held my breath and slapped my hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t chortle and ruin the moment, but once I gathered my wits about me, I realized he was totally botching the lyrics in the most delightful way…and not just because of his well-documented speech impairment.

You know the part in the song that goes “…talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it…”?

Bucket Head was singing:  “…taco body, taco body, taco body, taco body…”

Hand to God. I will never be able to sing it any other way for the rest of my  life. Instant classic. I’m talking, “Hold me closer, Tony Danza” classic. 

As predicted, once he realized I was watching, he froze up like a deer in the headlights. But because his performance was such a show shopper, I thought I might be able to get him to do a repeat performance on camera.

Boy oh boy, was I wrong.

The following is what we’ll call Just Another Precious Motherhood Moment:

This is why seasoned professionals know better than to star alongside children or animals.

Live and learn. And probably do laundry and/or tend to my personal hygiene more often.

yours truly,


Linking this up to Yeah Write because something tells me that those bloggers know a thing or two about how to bring the funk to any potluck.

ADDENDUM: This post won “Lurker’s Favorite” over at Yeah Write this week, which is purdy durn awesome, if you ask me! Thank you Erica and Q!


  1. I thought of you yesterday when my daughter told me out of the blue that I smell like puke. I think I’d rather smell like crotch. :-)

  2. I have been trying to watch the full video of this for like, what, 24 hours? Feels like 3 days. But I didn’t want to watch it in front of the kids because frankly, I’m worn out over feminine hygiene issues. Had a used maxi pad in the washer and dryer incident yesterday. Also, jury duty cut into my “me” time today.
    So anyway, I took the laptop into the bathroom to watch it and with all of the yelling and chortling going on in the video, I had every member of my family at the door asking if I was okay. With the memorable quote, “Mom, you must be having SOME poop!” to top it all off.
    I hope I gave you a tenth of the entertainment that you gave me. :) Ellen

    • Bwahaha! WAY MORE than just a tenth, Ellen! “Mom, you must be having SOME poop!” might be my new mantra. So glad it was worth all that work you had to go through to finally view it, and so sorry about the maxi pad in the dryer. I hate when that happens.

  3. OMG! I can’t stop laughing. I was cracking up while reading (and watching) and my husband was all like, “what? what’s so funny?” So of course, I had to read the post aloud to him and then let him watch the hilarious and adorable video. OMG. Seriously. Loved this. This is getting one of my yeah write votes this week FOR SURE.

    And this totally reminded me of the time we tried to recreate a precious moment from my cat Poe on camera. It didn’t really work out well either.

    Thanks for the laughs!!!

  4. I am totally in love with how cute you and your son are! That video was out of control funny and as everyone else is saying -“taco body, taco body, taco body…” there are no other words to that song now! Thank you for sharing this with us :)

  5. HAHAHAHAHAHA That vlog is the greatest thing ever!

  6. That is absolutely hysterical!! Oh my stars, that is brilliant. All of it.
    And yes, I am fully expecting ‘taco body, taco body, taco body’ to pop into my brain at random times from here on out. Thanks.

  7. Great, funny post! So glad I started my day with it. I think your little guy has a future as a lyricist. Taco body = brilliant.

  8. Well, now I know what I’m gonna be singing All Day Long

  9. First of all, the line “you thought your heart would pop right out of your chest and roll down the hallway?” totally got me. LOVE it. As for the video – I’m so mad but I can’t watch it….my computer has no sound for some reason. Argh. But I’m getting from the comments that he told you that you smelled?…4 year olds must make a habit of saying these things. I told my son I didn’t like his attitude yesterday and he told me he didn’t like my poop because it smelled. So there you go.

    Thanks for your seriously kind comment on my blog – coming from you that meant a LOT. I’m so happy I found you through Yeah Write! You bring the funky and the funny. :)

  10. Only YOU wouldn’t post this! Fucking awesome. And, I will always think of your crotch when I hear this. Poor Buckethead. He’s gonna hate this stuff when he’s older. 😉

  11. Next time you should get up and dance with him! We have always had dance parties in my family. On Christmas Eve, it went on for hours. Great exercise and great stress reliever. Plus, nobody cares that you’re not a good dancer. 😉

  12. LOVE IT. Esp the part about the mental record button. If only!

  13. I hate it when I don’t have the camera handy when my kids do something cute. And I loved how you kept pulling his thumb out of his mouth and made him laugh. I have a thumb sucker here too…he’s almost 6. I figure, he’ll quit when he’s good and ready 😉
    You’re a funny chic!

  14. “Taco body.” HA! OMG, that’s awesome. Those moments are precious, not just because they’re cute, but because I CAN’T WAIT to tell future girlfriends about this stuff. :)

  15. LMAO! Out of the mouths of babes, right?

    I wished I even owned a video camera when my son was little. There were a few moments I wish I could have captured. There are times I wish I had a camera when my niece and nephew are around because they are hilarious!

  16. well, so A) I’m in awe of what you can do with a video b/c I’m lucky if I’ve manage to stay focused on the thing I’m supposed to be recording. And B) things could be worse: what if he decided that your hoochie smelled like tacos? I mean, what if YOU were, in fact, the taco body?

  17. OMG. The crotch thing. Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. So glad you didn’t edit that out! Taco body taco body taco body.

  18. I just snorted coffee out of my nose. So. Funny. Aren’t kids so precious? With their honesty and their inhibitions and their willingness to say whatever pops into their little heads? *eye roll* I’m so glad to have found another vlog included in this week’s yeah write!!! :)

  19. As someone who possesses a “taco body”, I can relate to Bucket Head’s jam.

    Amazing video. If the next time you enter a room, he sings George Clinton’s “We Want the Funk”, you may want to consult your OB.

  20. Toco body? OMG and LOL!! Seriously so funny! I LOVE it when my son boogies. So fun. My daughter won’t do it anymore now that she’s 11. Party pooper.

  21. I was smiling like a fool as you explained how a parent feels when we come across our children acting out a dance or a song with no inhibitions.
    I could feel my heart explode!!
    And then I laughed out loud in the drs office as you described bucket heads take on the lyrics.

  22. This. Is. The. Funniest. Damn. Post. I. Have. Ever. Read. Ever.
    I have never truly known the meaning of what it means to “LOL” – now I do.
    Soooo funny.
    PS: WTF were you listening to Funky Town for? What about K.C. and the Sunshine band?! PS: I’m out of town so wasn’t able to read all the posts before the vote. (-:

  23. I am dying. (Not really. Don’t worry.)

    But seriously? I had the same thing happen to me (being called out on my crotch) by my five-year-old nephew when I was staying at their house over Thanksgiving.

    It was morning, I was still in pajamas, hadn’t showered AND it was the most wonderful time of the month. (Besides Thanksgiving.)

    We were cuddling and he kept burying his head in my lap (which I tried repeatedly to stop but he was persistent) until he eventually pulled up and said “You stinky.”

    Only it wasn’t on camera. It was in front of my brother-in-law.
    Not sure which is worse…

  24. Love love the video! A few days ago while I was laying in the floor, my 3 year old threw herself on me and settled on my legs. She proceeded to snarl her nose and tell me I stink and I don’t smell like toothpaste. Guess my crotch breath doesn’t have the minty fresh scent she had expected. I’m like “Listen kid, you shove your head up my ass and you’re gonna smell ass.” Okay I didn’t say that. But I did tell her to shut her face and mind her business! lol Your video makes me feel slightly better about myself. :)

    • Minty fresh crotch breath!!! Hilarious. Listen kids, don’t be all up in our biscuits if you don’t want to smell our butter, that’s all we’re saying. Right?

  25. BWAHAAHAA! Funniest blog ever! It’s official you are my new favorite blogger – smells and all.

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