As part of their new monthly Wisdom from Mom Bloggers series, Babble.com just published a wonderful list of 25 Tips for First-Time Bloggers. Don’t let that post title fool you though; it’s packed full of great tips for any blogger, not just the newbies. And I’m not just saying that because I’m one of the bloggers they polled for input.
In fact, even though I am one of the contributors, I learned a lot from reading that list and put a few changes into effect immediately. (Thanks, fellow Mom Bloggers!)
It’s funny, it doesn’t seem like all that long ago when I was the new kid emailing more experienced bloggers for feedback and guidance.
And in a glorious full circle moment, two different bloggers reached out to me just this week for advice. One of them even forced me at gunpoint into the back of her minivan so she could serenade me with a Chicago song and smell my ponytail while I “put the lotion on.”
Fine, only part of that story is true.
But can you blame her for wanting to know “my secret” to blogging success?
I obviously have some skillz.
I can make fart sounds with 9 different body parts, sometimes all at once…sometimes without even trying.
Even my 2nd grade teacher Mrs. Rankin knew I was destined for something more than just the lead role as The Conductor in The Dental Hygiene Train.
This is why it pays to be a hoarder.
But good blogging takes more than just the ability to write stories. It also takes commitment, dedication, technical savvy, a willingness to embrace television as your babysitter, and in my case, a complete lack of decorum.
If I had better PR skills, I might call that “transparency.”
But I don’t. And apparently, after 41 years of searching, I’ve finally found a place where my untreated chronic verbal diarrhea is somewhat acceptable to more than just my mother.
Now, it goes without saying, “a good blog” means different things to different people. In other words, you say tomato, I say vagina.
So when someone asks me to tell them how I became “a famous blogger,” I’m not sure if I should say thank you or look around for the camera crew from Punked.
You see, I’m still evolving as a blogger too. I don’t know the difference between SEO and REO (Speedwagon). I haven’t the faintest idea how to use my camera or make a media kit or do a giveaway. And I vacillate daily about my “brand” and how to find a balance between authenticity and professionalism…particularly given my colorful vocabulary and penchant for scat photography.
Truth?
I look at the more “PR friendly” blogs with envy and think, “Wow, I wish I could get a free Elfa closet system from The Container Store in exchange for a blog post! But they’d never pick me because I would just say how much I FUCKING LOVE MY ELFA CLOSET SYSTEM SO HARD THAT I WANT TO LICK IT.”
And who wants to pay for that? Nobody. That’s who.
Mini-Me's maiden voyage to the land of Elfa. Enthusiasm and lack of impulse control seems to run in the family.
So basically, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I really don’t know what “my secret” to success is. Or even what defines “success” in this mixed up crazy blogosphere.
If you want to be a good blogger, just be yourself, and work hard, and network, and be kind, and try not to let the demons in your head sabotage your dreams too much. If you do those things, you’ll probably be awesome. I guess. Whatever that means.
Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want something more specific?
Okay.
How about this…
Blogging is a lot like sex:
• it gets better with practice,
• experimentation is encouraged,
• wine is fine but liquor is quicker,
• sometimes an apology is in order,
• and sticking a hamster in your anus is never a good idea.
Too much?
Damn it!
Well then go read Babble’s blogging tips. I wish that list had been around when I started three years ago…it probably would have helped me to avoid a lot of hamsters.
Happy blogging,
-Iris
Fart sounds with 9 different body parts sounds like it should be an upcoming post or vlog.
Well if it helps at all I am green with envy that this is only now available and not when I had more material, errrrr, children at home. You is great.
You, my friend, are a wealth of information. And that picture of Mini-me? I took one almost identical of my son in Target last week.
Thanks for your guidance! I started this whole blog thing about a month ago, and I had no idea how much it would take over my life… consistently posting new stuff and trying to attract new readers… but it’s fun and distracting from the everyday hum-drum.
P.S. I would totally buy Elfa based on an ad that described it with profanity… You should contact The Container Store.
Are you successful then? Sometimes I really should take a closer look at the circles I move in.
If you figure out a way to be make it without talking about your lady garden can you let me know? I could do with some tips. Also I could do with some beer.
I like beer.
I think that “Blogging in like Sex….” needs to be embroidered on a pillow. That is beautiful stuff right there.
Congratulations my friend. How wonderful that you were asked to contribute.
Lady garden? Oh Glen. I think it might be funny, not sure. And IRIS…I DID NOT ask you to smell my ponytail. And you are crappy in the lotion application dept which is prob why you think blogging is like sex. (WHAT?)
But I do think you are tres hilarious, and grateful that you say what we all want to say but are too…..uh…fill in the blank OK?
I am so glad there in no Container Store in OKC. It is crack for me.
I will try to remember that hamster tip but I am definitely pasting the demons in your head snippet on my laptop.
you say tomato i say vagina???
aaaaahhaaaaaaaa!
Have you ever coughed, burped and farted at the time? because I have, with a witness.
I have been blogging for 10 years now, and it never really occurred to me to try to boost rating or go after followers or whatever, but sometimes I wonder if it should happen. I don’t know. The beauty of anonymity is that I *can* say things about my husband’s boss El Presidente and know that no one will read it.
I will read it Rootietoot, but no fear I won’t tell anyone! I feel the same way about my blog. I really should post something to it…..
Omgosh! That last line made me laugh out loud. Only you can mention vaginas and hamsters in the same post without it being creepy. Love it!
You bring meaning to my life. You’re my inspiration.
Thank you for writing this. I plan to use these tips to become even more famous than The Bearded Iris. Because when you say, “Vagina”, I say, “Bigger Vagina.”
But really, thanks!
This is great – I love your irreverence, smarts, and wit!
Hamster in anus – that’d be the visual I carry into my weekend.
Off to read the Babble post!
The publicist, who acquired a Rubbermaid Closet System that she adores, says all you have to do is ask.
All I have to do is look cute. ‘Cause I am.
Hamsters in the end of the “post” is always a real tear jerker. Thanks for the laughs, dearie!
Perhaps if I lick you while you sleep in OH, some of your awesomeness will pass into my genes. Trust me I am not trying to actually get into your jeans …
You made me laugh so hard I burped up my Diet Coke.
I love that you’re deliciously snarky and wise at the same time. “If you want to be a good blogger, just be yourself, and work hard, and network, and be kind, and try not to let the demons in your head sabotage your dreams too much.”
Speak it, sister!
Yours is the best. I still don’t know how to blog. I would really appreciate someone being honest enough to say they fucking love or hate something (are you listening Elfa?). What is the difference in Babble, Bloglovin & Blogher? Your blog is wordpress – I have one, it is empty. I have another on blogger – it should be empty. It is shit. Did you do all this (elegant handgesture in front of my monitor) yourself? BTW – I emptied my bladder (before) and made sure not to drink my coca-cola (while) reading.
So you are saying I should take the hamster OUT of my butt? That hardly makes sense. Get it together, Iris.
I was proud to see your contributions on the Babble article. You is so famous. And, you (’round about way) know Oprah. I will always be at your mercy.
Is a gerbil okay?
ELFA ELFA ELFA ….. I LOVE ELFA TOO!!! You know, I don’t usually type in capitals, that’s just how excited I am about ELFA!!!
Oh I hope to god that blogging is nothing like sex because I would hate to have sex as much as I blog.
In other news, I’ve just spent 20 minutes googling Elfa closets systems…which is MUCH better than sex also.
xoxo
Oh my god! I hoard shit like that too!!! Love it.
I have ALL of my science projects from grade school… because they rocked.
Also? My journal expressing my love for Micheal Jackson I did when I was 8.
There were some good tips along that bunch, and some not-so-good tips, IMO – especially for newbie bloggers. I mean, it’s a little contradictory to have one person say, “Just be yourself and don’t try too hard,” while another one is saying, “You have to be different. Ordinary is the kiss of death. BE DIFFERENT, DAMN IT!” Holy hell, if I were a noob, my head would be spinning.
The one constant I’ve learned about blogging in the last 18 months is that there are no real “rules” and no one secret to success. Each blogger finds their own groove and goes with what works for them. I have and I’m so much happier for it than I was back when I was trying so hard to leave my virtual footprint anywhere and everywhere in the blogosphere.
So, basically what I’m saying is that I agree with you.
Guuuuurl, I HEAR you. You are referring to the Babble list, and not my incredibly helpful “Blogging is like sex” comparison, right? I also thought some of the tips they picked (they polled 100 of us) were contradictory, and that one in particular was downright scary. But on the other hand, I immediately stopped being a control freak about comment moderation, which was very freeing. Sadly, two days later, I got a mean comment, so now I’m back to full-on comment prison-guard status again. Sigh. Apparently I need to work on my editing too. Damn it! Thanks for reading and commenting and leaving your virtual footprint HERE where it is always welcome.