The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Have a gas this Valentine’s Day!

One of the many wonderful side benefits of blogging is the ability to look back and see how things change over time.

someecards.com - This Valentine's Day, expect the finest flowers still available on Valentine's Day

 

A blog can also be a very useful instructional guide for the husband.

someecards.com - Just a reminder that your Valentine's Day plans for me will be broadcast in real-time on at least three social media platforms

 

Last year on this day, romance was in the air over here. Or was that just the lingering odor of a poorly planned Valentine dinner? You’ll have to read my weekly column In The Powder Room today if you really want to know.

someecards.com - I want to grow old and disgusting with you

 

But this year, things are definitely looking up, and it smells better too. I’m not one to boast and brag, but let’s just say my husband and I are both making more of an effort to rekindle that spark.

And of course by spark, I mean understanding of the new cable channel guide.

someecards.com - I could watch TV with you forever

 

Baby steps. Actually, I’m expecting good things today from life in general, because it is a universal truth that you get what you give. And if I can stay awake long enough tonight, I’m going to give my husband a Valentine he’ll never forget.

someecards.com - Let's watch your shows this Valentine's Day

 

Friends, I hope you know today and everyday that you are loved and cherished, at least by me and The Big Guy/Gal driving the Winnebago in the sky. Because you are.

Now go read my In The Powder Room post, and then tell someone you love them, preferably in a way that is not an affront to any of their senses.

SWAF,

-Iris

 

26 Comments

  1. My hunny bunny.
    I love you more than I love a hot cup of coffee and a smut magazine.
    You are sweet candy kisses and the best roses money can buy (not the crappy ones that are left over at the end of the supermarket line on your way out the door).
    Hope you have the BEST Valentines day EVER!
    And by that I mean…
    I hope you’re on twitter later.
    xoxoxoxoxo

  2. Roses are red; violets are blue;
    your vulva candy cracks me up,
    as does your tutorial of poo.

    Happy Valentine’s Day, Iris!

  3. Much love to you, Iris! I just finished reading every post on your blog 2 nights ago, what a great read! My husband may even have a chance of getting my attention since I won’t be snickering under the covers reading your blog on my phone late at night now I’m all caught up. Happy VD! 😉

  4. Happy Valentine’s Day! 🙂

  5. Really enjoyed your ITPR post this week – very funny indeed. i’m commenting here because otherwise i get six billion emails telling me that someone has put their two cents in and commented on my post, only to find out that they haven’t – they’ve commented on yours. every week it winds me right up. grrr.
    Do have a pleasant evening farting together.

  6. I could watch TV forever with my DH…in fact that will probably be our heaven….A DVR filled with all our favorite shows..that we will intersperse with visiting with old and new friends and of course our family, gardening, knitting, DH with a full pantry, fresh veges in a garden that is always fresh and filled with yummy veges and herbs, me with the ultimate fabric and crafting stash…..DH will cook dinner for several every day, everyone will have quilts made by me….oh Iris I love how you bring out my spiritual side, first with the vessel and now with our forever…..

    Sending Valentine explosions your way! The earth shook where I live yesterday, literally….5.7 earthquake!

  7. you’re funny~i like you! happy valentine’s day!

  8. I made my hubby a homemade card with curly ribbon and all. The inside says “No, you’re not getting a blow job for some fake holiday! You’re getting this card.” I’m sure it will be more than he gives me. Happy Valentine’s Day!

  9. Happy happy happy Valentine’s Day! I’ll be in class until 10pm tonight, but we’re saving the celebration for Friday. 🙂
    Hope your day is special.
    Love,
    Your bloggy buddy

  10. Michelle Heatherly

    February 14, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    SWAF!?!! BAHAHAHAHA! That made me choke on my diet coke! You silly perv! 😉

    Happy Good Luvin’ Day!

  11. Well Happy Valentine’s day back atcha Iris! Cyber hearts and flowers are on their way (so much easier than the real thing, doncha think?) *smooooooooch*

  12. My husband’s bringing home chinese take out and Planet of the Apes tonight. Epic Valentines Day. Guess we’ll be SWAF sisters.

  13. I love cheesy romance movies and sappy love stories, but really? Being able to watch tv late at night in my ratty pjs with the same guy every night is awesome.

    Especially since he doesn’t bitch that I’m Twitter chatting with you guys half the time anyway.

  14. I have never been able to find the right words. Until now. I really COULD watch TV with George forever. That says a lot, as TV is insanely important to me. You are a better wife than I, though. I couldn’t give up a night of my shows for his. Not in a million yerrrrrs.

  15. Oh, God.

    You’re gonna be doing the nasty tonight, aren’t you?

    That, apparently, means you’ll be WINNING!

    (Amongst other things. Ehem.)

    My blog life is happier and laughier and contains more vaginistic words than I ever thought possible. All because of you.

    And for that, my friend…I love you. =)

  16. I love you.

    Really.

    Fart.
    Tinkle.

    You.

    I love.

  17. Hi Iris!
    Was wondering: Who was St. Valentine, anyway? So, I found a mini bio to share:
    http://angels.about.com/od/MiraclesReligiousTexts/p/Who-Was-Saint-Valentine.htm
    Happy Hearts’ Day to You & Yours and All! XOXO

  18. Thank you for turning me on to these ecards. That’s what I got my husband for Valentine’s Day. It’s just before 10:00 pm, I’m putting the kids to bed and my husband’s already snoring. It’s just as well. I’m pretty tired too. Maybe we’ll both get lucky on our anniversary.

  19. Love that red card – might get it for next year…

  20. So NOT the same post as mine! So, fear not – your integrity and originality are still in tact. And IMO, someecards are the absolute BEST way to express one’s Valentine’s Day sentiments – I’m actually surprised more people didn’t go this route for the Valentine’s Day posts.

    Of course, that just goes to show how similarly our minds think. Which is either completely scary or totally awesome – I can’t decide which.

  21. This was so very funny!
    I love your blog! It brightens my day – really. (-:
    PS: I don’t think I love my husband enough to watch “his” shows.

  22. I think we had the most unromantic Valentine’s Day in history!

    My husband brought home Del Taco, we watched GLEE with the kids and explained why girls were kissing, then we watched The Walking Dead. Because nothing says…I LOVE YOU…like Zombies.

  23. I just realized I totally ripped off the someecards.com from your post and used for my v-day post yesterday. Bad form. Sorry – hope you aren’t pissed with Snappy the Turtle Tamer.

    I left you a video link to an Ellen clip I thought you might like on your FB page – hope that counts as my apology.

  24. and to think I share a room with you soon ….
    my husband is skeered 😉

  25. I’m a little late to this Valentine’s party but I hope sparks flew between the husband and you, and by that I mean, between the sheets, and not fighting over the TV and causing damage to it. Heh.

  26. the woman suggested i read your story at this powder room place. i laughed so hard i think i gave myself a hernia.

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