Funny story: about a year ago, I came across a pretty little button on someone’s blog that piqued my interest.
I clicked on it and read all about the author’s campaign to end Internet bullying, particularly “mom-on-mom” aggression.
And I thought to myself, “Huh. That’s odd. I’ve never seen anything even remotely redolent of online bullying, particularly by women against other women.”
Then it hit me like a sock full of quarters, “Oh my God…is she talking about ME? I am pretty snarky sometimes. OH SHIT. Am I a cyber bully?”
I immediately emailed the author, Elizabeth Flora Ross, and asked her to please tell me more about it.
Elizabeth kindly explained that she was particularly concerned with:
“women who attack specific individuals…by leaving hateful comments repeatedly on a person’s blog…by writing nasty posts on their own blogs specifically aimed at that individual, and by saying bad things about that person on social media sites. It happens a lot. I see it all the time.”
And I wrote back, “That’s shocking!” and “Oh phew, that’s not me!” and “Thank you for the information!” But I never did anything further about it; never took “The Mom Pledge,” never even gave it another thought.
As many of you know, last week my satirical blog post about Bucket Head and the gum ball machine was viciously attacked by a small and particularly hateful group of anonymous commenters.
It was eerily reminiscent of a (virtual) home invasion.
They crashed into our little community and verbally assaulted me, my parenting, my children, and even my readers. One of them even wished us bodily harm.
The whole experience was rather unsettling and caused me to feel a wide range of complex emotions.
At first I was like, “Huh?”
And then I was like, “Oh-Em-Gee.”
And then I was all, “Oh no she DI-int!”
And now I’m just like, “Ha!”
I’m just saying.
So where were we? Oh yes, Internet bullying.
I recognize that publicly sharing this blog puts me in a vulnerable position. It’s like hosting an Open House every day and not knowing who might walk through my door. And perhaps I’m at greater risk than some because of my colorful vocabulary and willingness to “tell all.”
But that doesn’t give anyone the right to disrespect me. Ever.
This particular pack of attackers chose to check their manners at the door and “crap all over my house.” Not okay.
Many of you who jumped to my defense here and on Twitter, Facebook, and your own beautiful blog posts (here and here) were as stunned as I was. Your support was incredibly comforting to me. Thank you.
Several of you applauded me for ignoring the nastier comments and thus “not feeding the trolls.”
Interestingly, some of these attackers did not take kindly to being called “trolls,” even though their actions were clearly in line with the Urban Dictionary definition of a troll.
Unwelcome, offensive, stupid or abusive commenter on a blog, chat room, user group or BBS.
Silly me, I didn’t even know what an Internet troll was before last week. But now I do, and I feel compelled to officially announce my stance on this issue:
Any questions?
No, I didn’t think so.
It’s really quite simple. No matter what your background, race, religion, age, gender, interests, or politics…just be nice.
Or like I say to the ladies at my church potlucks, if you don’t like what I’m cookin’, don’t fucking eat it.
Now, for you citizens of the Internet with your own blogs, I urge you to learn from my mistakes. Take action NOW. Don’t sit back and think “Oh, that will never happen to me.”
It can, and it might. It’s the nature of the Internet.
If I had taken The Mom Pledge a year ago, I would have been more prepared for how to deal with this issue. I would have immediately recognized the difference between a dissenter and a bully. And I would have known my rights and how I should react (by immediately deleting such comments and not giving attackers a platform for their hatred).
I’m proud to say I’ve finally taken the pledge, better late than never, and I encourage you to do the same.
Be prepared. Know your rights. Take the pledge.
“The internet provides an unprecedented opportunity for women to connect. What we should be doing is celebrating the joys of motherhood together and supporting one another through the challenges. This is the environment we hope to create. Take the Pledge today and join us! ~ Elizabeth Flora Ross
Together we are strong,
-Iris
© Copyright 2012, The Bearded Iris. Be nice.
What I thought was so bizarre about your troll situation and others I’ve read is how obviously those trolls misread or misunderstood the posts. You in no way were derogatory to those working in retail and a decent reading of your post would have made that clear. Are trolls lacking in reading comprehension? That’s my guess. Either that or they just like to stir up crap. Probably both.
Love it as always! Sorry for the issues you had with your last post. If it makes you feel any better, every time I check my email the first thing I look for is another post from you!
That totally does make me feel better! Thank you Kristen!!!
Crap how did I miss this whole hullaballo…..oh yeah cabinet painting….did you delete the snarky comments? Can I go back and read them all now and defend you after the fact? I love you Iris….bless their little small brained hearts! And I havent even read the comments yet.
So sorry you were the victim of “mean girls” comments.
I took the pledge after they crapped on my space too.
Love you and your words!
Go guuuurrrrrlllll.
Mean people do suck and I’m sorry if the comments hurt your feelings. However, when you called the “Granny” a whore that was mean…the story was funny but the name calling was mean and while my sense of humor is broad I did not find it funny. I also felt a sorry for bucket head…God knows I go for a the picture and the blog post..but the little guy sure looked like he needed to be picked up, and carried out of the store. I wonder how we would feel as grown-ups if someone snapped our picture when our hearts were breaking. Before the lynch moms grabs ME…I think you are a terrific story teller and I read that you are a wonderful mom..AND “creating a kind environment is two-fold and a pledge works both ways.”
Although I am sure that Iris will appreciate the general respectful tone of your comment, I do have to ask: why read her blog if you find it offensive? If I dont like a book, I dont buy it. If I dont like a TV show, I dont watch it… etc. I dont send a letter to the author or show producer, I simply choose to walk away. It’s not a personal thing, I just generally dont understand people who feel it necessary to go out of their way to negatively critique others (same goes for professional critics, they irritate the heck out of me). The only reason I am currently responding to your comment is because I believe that Iris will be much too polite to tell you that if you dont like what she writes, then simply dont read it. Just as she was too polite to tell Frances to mind her own business and to not undermine her parenting. As for poor Bucket Head, I highly doubt that his mother taking a picture of his I’m-totally-not-impress face will have scarred him for life. This is a humour piece. An exageration of a real life situation meant to entertain her readers. It is not meant to be taken literally. Her words (such as “whore”) are deliberately chosen in order to provide an overall tone to the story. This is her blog, she can say whatever she feels like and if you dont like it, simply walk away. It’s not because you have an opinion that you must share it. There is absolutely no point in negative commenting.
Hi Karine. Oh boy – this is a pickle. I think there is a difference between constructive and negative commenting.
Katybeth is actually a long-time reader and not one of those “trolls.” I respect her for coming forward with constructive criticism, particularly since she did it with honor. I don’t necessarily agree with her opinion, but I don’t want loyal readers to feel like they can’t dissent. Good critique can help a writer to grow.
Thank you for so eloquently defending my writing style and for truly getting the tone of that particular post. I appreciate you!
I enjoy most everything that Iris writes. I find her funny and genuine. Blogs are not a book they are a conversation. I had an opinion which I shared…I hope with respect for the author. My comment was not negative it was an opinion. I trust as top notch blogger that Iris will be able to see the difference.
Hey Katybeth,
I appreciate the comment and the sweet words about my story telling and parenting skills! I’m a little surprised that you feel this way since you have been reading my blog for such a long time and seem to understand my twisted sense of humor (or why would you keep coming back, right?).
You do realize that I didn’t really call her that word, right? It was just my internal dialogue, or a sampling thereof.
Also, I assure you, no children were harmed in the making of this post. My legal team has advised me to not reveal any of my magic tricks, but trust me on this when I tell you that I use a lot of creative license in my writing.
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So I’m catching up on your blog… And I read the blog post about that damn bubble gum machine. Hilarious! I did not know you were under troll attack.
Good for you Iris! Stand up to the meanies. (And reap the bonus clicks!)
(Someday I hope to be married, have a passel of kids, and teach them all kinds of crazy goodness about themselves, life, and the people in it. I imagine I won’t be a color in the lines kind of girl, and that’s fine with me. Especially with women like you to pave the way!)