The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Ten Ways Plastering Walls is Like Sex

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, blogging is the best free therapy around. Many thanks to all the fabulous people who came forward yesterday with their traumatic childhood stories and made me feel like less of a freak.

The overarching moral of this story, folks, is that we should ALL be more careful with what we say to every child we have the privilege of knowing. 

Can you imagine if Picasso’s kindergarten teacher berated him for spilling the green paint?

How many future Picassos or Marie Curies or Dr. Martin Luther Kings has the world lost to adults with sharp tongues?  Just something to consider. Let’s all think a little longer and speak with more love the next time we are angry, especially at a child, m’kay?

Life is better when you choose to see the good in things, so today I am grateful that Mrs. Caruso’s grossly inappropriate response to my involuntary vandalism set me up for a lifetime of learning very useful DIY skills.

I forgive you, Mrs. Caruso. And I hope you were able to find a cure for that halitosis.

Moving on…

As promised, I have written a list of the ten ways plastering walls is like sex. It’s posted as my weekly column In the Powder Room today, just one click away.

It’s a little naughty. I hope you don’t mind.

I’m going to leave the comments here open today just in case you want to talk and can’t leave a comment over there.

with love and gratitude,


© Copyright 2012, The Bearded Iris. All rights reserved.


  1. I’m not sure Mrs. Caruso would be so pleased if she knew what was going through your head while doing said DIY though!! It was a funny post if a little troubling from this side of the genetic fence – I didn’t comment on ITPR because I think it looks odd when blokes chime in on what is essentially a woman’s magazine – except for in my own little corner, so I tend not to bother.

    But I know where you hang out now…

  2. your newest follower – just back from the powder room – cannot stop laughing or reading.

  3. Naughty is totally good. Like, it’s actually my choice of reading.

  4. I would have never known how kinky bathroom renovation without your list. Thank you for the enlightenment. hahah

  5. You are so naughty!

  6. My mother once told me never to hang wall paper or go canoeing with someone I wanted to stay married to. I think we should try plastering walls, since your list has me giggling like a 13 year old boy….. “huhn, huhn, she said, STROKE!”

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