The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Appetizer Love: Bacon Wrapped Cheesy Jalapeños!

I just love a good potluck, don’t you?! Takes the pressure off the host, everyone gets a chance to contribute and feel important, and it gives us all the opportunity to try new foods. It’s just win-win. Love that!

Well, The Gatekeeper and I had the chance to attend a humdinger of a potluck last Saturday night with some of our best church buddies. We were asked to bring an appetizer. Oh thank God. I hate it when people ask me to bring the paper products. What a slap in the face. I mean, really; you show up with maggoty rice salad ONE time

Anyhooo… I knew I wanted to bring something different but awesome. Nothing worse than bringing a duplicate dish and forcing all the guests to do a Taste Test in front of you both. (Speaking of which, I don’t care how Southern you think you are, if the hostess asks you to bring a green salad, do NOT show up with Baked Mac and Cheese. You totally fucked up my menu that time, Beverly. Pfffft.)

So I started thinking of all the appetizers in my arsenal, and one in particular jumped out as a major crowd pleaser: Bacon Wrapped Cheesy Jalapeños! I know, right? Bacon: the magic word. It just makes everything better. (Apologies to my Kosher readers.)

I was first introduced to this magical appetizer a couple years ago when my dear neighborhood friend Mama Cloud stuck a plate of them on my front porch and ding-dong-ditched me. What a refreshing change from the flaming bag of dog poo I was expecting! Instead, there was a note on the plate that said “You’ve been tagged by the Appetizer Fairy!” God, I love that girl.

Even if you don’t love spicy foods, you might like this. The baking plus the cream cheese mellows the jalapeños so that there is just a hint of a kick left. Although sometimes you do get a super hottie that will just light you up! But that’s part of the fun in my book…like a milder form of Russian Roulette! But instead of a violent bloody death the worst case scenario is the dreaded double burn. So worth it.

Another nice feature is that this is true finger food. It’s easy to grab and easy to eat, as opposed to dip & chips that can really slow the buffet line down and piss off the hungry people patiently waiting at the end of the line.

Are you sold yet? Here’s what you’ll need to recreate this magic in your own kitchen:

  • jalapeños (get at least a dozen!)
  • cream cheese
  • bacon
  • aluminum foil
  • toothpicks
  • rubber gloves (optional)

1.) Preheat your oven to 400° F and wash your jalapeños.

2.) Cut the tops off. Then slice each pepper in half lengthwise and remove the seeds and membranes so you get two jalapeño “boats” from each pepper. TIP: if you have sensitive skin, wear contact lenses, are menstruating, or plan on changing a baby’s diaper later, wear rubber gloves for this part! Trust me.

3.) Use a butter knife and fill each jalapeño with cream cheese. It doesn’t matter what kind you buy. I used a brick of regular store-brand cream cheese for this batch. I’ve seen other recipes online where people mix herbs and spices in with the cream cheese first. Unnecessary. Keep it simple, I say.

4.) Line a baking tray with foil (for easy cleanup). Use a tray that has sides or you will have a bacony flavored greasy mess on your hands and a potential fire hazard to boot. Nothing spoils a party like a house fire, believe you-me.

5.) BACON TIME! I cut each of my raw bacon strips into thirds and stretched it a little to wrap it around the cream cheese stuffed jalapeño. It was perfect. You need about five inches (you don’t hear me say that everyday). Secure each bacon piece with a toothpick through the whole thing (including the bottom layer of the pepper). TIP: pull the number of toothpicks you’ll need (plus a few extra) out of the box before you get started so you don’t have to keep reaching into the box with your bacony fingers (ew!).

6.) Place in your preheated oven and bake at 400° for about 30 minutes or until the bacon is cooked. Remove from the oven and marvel at the majesty:

7.) Move them to a paper towel lined plate to absorb the extra grease, and then replate them onto something pretty.

8.) Eat a few before you take them to the potluck or you’ll never get any...these things move FAST.

9.) Stand back and watch people go berserk while they fight over these babies. Then flash some gang symbols, shout “AW HELLS YEAH!” and enjoy knowing that you’ll never be relegated to paper products again!

Like my cooking style? (What is wrong with you?) Here’s a link to other recipes/kitchen tips I’ve posted previously.

still brimming with potluck pride,

-Iris

© Copyright 2011, The Bearded Iris.


28 Comments

  1. Iris, you are a potluck queen. We love these little things, and I made some with our own jalapenos the other day!

    Great tip about the toothpick. Nobody ever thinks to do that.

  2. Relegated to paper products? Oh my, there were years when I volunteered first, just to GET that assignment. Sad, right? These really are delicious! My husband loves them.

  3. They looked so pretty but I was afraid to try them thinking they’d be too spicy and now I’m sorry I wimped out. All I brought was nuts. :0(

  4. Holy deliciousness! I may have to make these asap. The fiance’ loves both bacon and jalapenos, and I have recently given in to the call of the bacon; the call of which I had successfully ignored for many years and I’m still not sure what made me lose my self-control.
    Whatever the case, I am excited to try these and I don’t even like preparing or cooking food. Thanks for sharing!

  5. What a great recipe Iris. Quick, easy and tasty. Just the way I like it.

    Anne xx

  6. ok, what is wrong with me that I love to bring the paper goods?

    • Hey, if it is YOUR choice and preference, there is nothing wrong with you! I just don’t want to feel like I get picked for the paper goods because my cooking is bad! (i.e., glory whore)

  7. This recipe makes me wish that I could stand the spice of the jalapeno because I lurve bacon.

  8. Yeah, gloves are NOT optional. Unless you want burning parts everywhere you should not be burning. But yum!

  9. Those sound delicious, except for the jalapeno part. And I don’t eat meat. So….guess I’m coming over for a blob of cream cheese. You had me at “artery hardening.” Hahahah. Your pics make them look so appealing. And I always volunteer for the baked goods. I hate doing main dishes and love doing bread. Paper princess duty always pisses me off cuz I hate to spend actual money!

  10. Yum!!! I am one of those people who wears surgical gloves when handling jalapeños. Sometimes it’s ok, but sometimes you get a doozie! And then I set fire to *everything* I touch… Wheee! Gonna have to try this!

  11. Thank you Iris. Two of my husband’s favorite food items, jalepeno peppers and bacon. I will have him eating out of my hand in no time.

    PS I usually don’t touch jalapenos and just cleaning off the cutting board DH was using and taking out my contacts later got me!

    PSS I will remember the surgical gloves since I keep a box for weeding and cleaning. My hands are too small for regular plastic gloves.

    PPSS I didn’t realize people in the South ate green salads. Heck it took me asking 4 people to find the real tortillas in Walmart the other day. One of the “white” people told me “only the Mexicans buy those kind”. I must have Mexican blood somewhere in me…..

  12. I know that would be too spicy for me (I’m a Minnesotan, ketchup is spicy), but Jonathan would die over these.
    I’m adding the recipe to my bookmarks. Thanks!

  13. OMFG, I must make these like yesterday! Thanks for posting the recipe, because throught he entire beginning, my mouth was watering. Next Moms Night Out, I’m making these.

  14. I especially love reading this recipe in all its deliciousness while scrolling past pictures of poop and vulva candy on the right! Lurve The Iris!

  15. I just wanted to tell you, you’re hysterical. A friend of mine posted a link to your blog on fb several months ago, and we’ve passed you around like a .. well, I’m not funny like you. 😉 Only YOU could make a post on potluck make me laugh super hard. this is my GO TO blog when I am overwhelmed or sad or just need a good laugh. You should write professionally!!
    At least I didn’t wake the baby back up tonight choking on my own tears from laughter reading your blogs. One at a time, that’s the ticket! More than that and I can’t calm down. And, I shut the door first. 😉

  16. You had me at bacon.

    Looks yummy!

  17. You really post the best recipes. Keep ’em coming.

  18. Oh yeah!!! That’s what I’m talking about, and visual’s too… YES!! Thank you!!

  19. Read this post yesterday morning. Talk about perfect timing! Made them for a neighborhood get together. BIG HIT!!!!!!!!! Thanks…….

  20. You can also make them with the ‘ready-made’ microwave bacon, you don’t have to cook them as long that way. Which is good for people like me who put everything off till the last possible moment.

    Just cut the bacon into thirds and lay a slice on top of each jalapeno, and that way you don’t even have to worry about bacony toothpicks!

  21. LOVE these!! My sister stuffs them with pineapple cream cheese, and the little bit of sweetness with the spicy pepper and the salty bacon is RIDICULOUS!!!

    I love your blog SO much more than my luggage!!

  22. A gf used a similar recipe but she mixes the cream cheese with plenty of garlic and then sprinkles brown sugar over the finished wraps before baking them. Let me tell you, this was probably the best appetizer at the last party we went to. Just the right amount of sweet with yer hot.
    Try that on your jalepeno and EAT IT!

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