The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Pootorial

Make your own DIY fake poop out of upcycled cardboard! Funny and practical, kids and fun parents LOVE this easy, green, hilarious craft. Great for pranks!

Greetings! For today’s Just the Tip Tuesday post, I’d like to share with you a simple pleasure that has brought my family much joy over the years. It is the art of making a fake turd.

This is a simple, green, and no-cost craft that is fabulous for children of all ages. It is important to note that I don’t typically enjoy crafting with children, particularly my own. However, this is so incredibly easy and the results are so entertaining that I just can’t resist.

For this craft, you will need only three things:

1. A bowl of water.

2. A cardboard toilet paper or paper towel tube. The bigger the tube, the bigger the turd. I haven’t tried it yet, but I’m thinking a wrapping paper tube would be super fun.

3. Two hands. If you are differently abled, one hand would probably suffice. I don’t think this craft would work though if you have hooks instead of hands.

The pretty girl is optional.

My lovely assistant will now demonstrate the steps needed to transform the cardboard into a turd:

1. Using your hand(s), rip the cardboard tube open lengthwise.

2. Submerge the cardboard into the bowl of water and move it around so it gets nice and soggy.

3. Now remove the cardboard from the water and start to form the fake turd with your hand(s). Squeeze the wet cardboard so that it will bunch up into a long, compact, moist, brown, wrinkly cylinder.

4. Be patient. It can take a minute or two of good hard squeezing to form the perfect turd. Here’s one that’s almost ready…


5. A few more squeezes and…

Need a cheap, easy, green, and FUNNY craft to do with your kids? Check out my POOTORIAL on making fake turds using recycled materials and just two other ingredients. HILARIOUS and practical. Kids (and fun parents) LOVE this.

Voilà! Pretty awesome, no?

Wait, here’s a close up so you can really appreciate the details:

Need a cheap, easy, green, and FUNNY craft to do with your kids? Check out my POOTORIAL on making fake turds using recycled materials and just two other ingredients. HILARIOUS and practical. Kids (and fun parents) LOVE this.

The best part? My eight year old daughter is able to complete this craft completely on her own. That’s what those in the Montessori community call “mastery.” Just look at the pride emanating from her masterful little face as she lovingly cradles her new fake turd:

Once you have a fake turd or two in your arsenal, it’s time to play. The choices are endless. Here’s one possible vignette:

A little obvious for my taste, but the kids sure like that one. Personally, I like the element of surprise. For me, turd in the shoe equals F-U-N.

Some other ideas for using your fake turds include dramatic play such as puppet shows and story telling reenactments of momentous bathroom events.

You can also craft with your fake turds. I’m thinking googly eyes and little outfits and hats would be a hoot!

Or how about mixing in torn colored construction paper during the turd making process to simulate dietary changes. What a safe and and fun way to explore what happens when we eat corn or beets or cupcakes with blue frosting!

And of course, there’s always good old classic family games like Turd Toss, Find the Turd, and Turd Tag. Let your imagination be your guide.

I hope this earth-friendly craft brings you and yours as much joy and satisfaction as it brings my family!

fondly

-Iris

© Copyright 2011, The Bearded Iris.

If you enjoyed this piece, I have an entire Pinterest board called “Poop is Funny.” Join me there and let’s giggle together!

Follow Leslie’s board Poop is Funny on Pinterest.

50 Comments

  1. Kris the Colts Fan

    May 3, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    I laughed so hard I almost crapped my pants. No fake turd needed. Thanks for the tutorial. Now I know what I’ll give my sister for her 40th birthday this weekend!

  2. i. can’t. speak. yet…. more later

  3. Here I was thinking what a boring day I was having, paying bills, scouting Safeway for good buys, flirting with the butcher to get a better pork roast than the one on sale since there weren’t any left (I got two of them cut by same butcher)….driving home wondering what was I going to do to fill my day…

    I check my phone message from youngest daughter, then I sit to check my e-mails to this! HAHAHA….now I am energized to get up and get with it. I am feeling creative enough to rip out the quilt block I screwed up last night and invigorated enough to maybe even resew it and the rest of the quilt! Thanks again Iris!!! Better than an extra cup of coffee!

  4. Sue from Livin In Duckville

    May 3, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    I think the Lego King wants to marry you when he grows up, you’re his kinda gal…. he’s in love….

  5. Danielle@sixtasteschef.com/blog

    May 3, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Heeheeheehee… I think I must go make one right now.

    Love the ‘turd on toilet’ picture.

  6. This has me laughing out loud with tears in my eyes. As I was reading I was thinking…oh no she won’t…oh yes she is doing this?…yes! yes! she is…and this my friends, is why I come here everyday!

  7. That’s pretty authentic. I should know.

  8. Thats hilarious! I could do some pranks with that one at work!

  9. Oh you poor dears, can’t you get the real thing? I have five dogs, one of whom is ancient and crotchety and has basically decided that he’s going to shit any old place he feels like it, so I can provide you with a supply any time you need one. Just let me know.

    I think the toilet picture is hilarious – I pretty much have the sense of humor of a 15 year-old boy.

  10. That is awesome. My kids are already trying to think of ways to gross out their grandpa!

  11. All this time I thought our families are equally as crazy – you win! LOL!!!

  12. This may come in handy for the neighbor who chooses to use our yard as a bathroom for their dog. We watch them chase the dog out of their own yard into ours so she can have a poo-fest on our side of the street!

    I’ll show them!

  13. bernie bickers

    May 3, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    Iris, next time we chat, PLEASE make sure to remind me to tell the tale of how a late night trip to Giant Eagle led to the MOST AWESOME fake turd prank in our fair Alma Mater’s history. Glad to see your kids are getting a head start on college…

  14. LOVE THIS!!!!! I’m thinking my 4 year old would too ;-)

  15. Now that is what I call craft.

  16. Just when I think your craft-i-ness can’t possibly get any better – it does! I’ll be serving these alongside the vulva candies.

  17. When my little mop top was about a year old, my hubby was changing his diaper and started laughing hysterically. The poo in the diaper had one googly eyeball looking right up at him. Sure enough the cute little dog that big brother had made in pre-school was missing an eye. That kid would eat anything! My only regret was that we did not photograph the one-eyed pirate-poo. Iris, you have given us a 2nd chance….

  18. brilliant! there is room for confusion – it could all go horribly wrong as your craft is such top quality!

  19. Oh my, I love this, I think I may love you,

    I have tears running down my cheeks and am slightly jealous I never thought of this!

  20. Excellent. Now I know what to do the next time Mormons call at the door.

  21. Andrew D'Cuzzen

    May 5, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    This is THE most useful tip I have read online in a very long time. Not only is it brilliantly hysterical, it’s also very earth friendly – Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. I love this SOOOOOOOOO much!

  22. OK, it might concern you to learn I do this for a living; and let me tell you…..that is one great turd!

  23. Words fail me. This is priceless.

  24. second grade teacher

    May 23, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    Poop is hilarious! My best friend thinks I should do this craft with my second graders, I think she’s right. Perfect for an end of the school year project. I know I have plenty of paper tubes and googly eyes! LOL!

    • Poop IS hilarious. I agree! You are clearly a super fun teacher. I think any second grader would relish this craft and keep it forever as a memento of their wonderful year with you. The parents? Probably not. Sadly.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  25. We are totally doing this today to a co-worker popo…stay tuned. LMAO His wife apparantley packed him a “special” snack thats high in fiber today. He has been on a diet and bitching about how he can’t eat all the garbage that we all are…….alls hes gots is a piping hot duece fo munch.

  26. Holy crap. LMAO.

    (I’m so tired I didn’t realize that I made two bad puns in a row. Shit.)

  27. I laughed so hard I cried when I read this. Now, I have one for you!

    Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
    A: He was looking for Pooh!

    Let the goodtimes roll! (Pun intended).

  28. Kim(aka badgasmom)

    January 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    After a dreary, crappy day here in Central Wisconsin, I have found my new *fav* website. I love the stories, the bathroom humor, the pics….all of it, especially the *Pootorial*. I decided to share this lil’ chestnut of a craft idea with my 12 year old daughter, who is definately her mother’s daughter (yes, its me). Let me explain: she is sweet, intellectually mature, and has the mouth of Typhoid Mary. I wonder where she gets it from. Anyways….our sunday evening dinner was wonderful, complete with bathroom humor, noises, and Arby’s. Yeah….the “stuffed” chicken was an epic fail. Looks good, tastes good…but cooked like shit. I digress. Also, did I mention we have a 19-year-old son in college. Yeppers those family dinners are in-terr-estt-ing when he visits. As we were cleaning up after dinner–normally we would just toss it out the door to slop the pigs, but the city shut us down on that one–I saw the nearly empty paper towel roll, just begging to make it into cute little turdlets. So, I helped my daughter cross the threshold into *our* little world of blogging. I’m pretty sure she will not ever be the same again. She read the blog and said “Dang mom…why have we been throwing all those tubes away? We could have been makin’ turds ‘n stuff for, like, family Christmas (we do white elephant gifts).” I just love my girl. So, as I was eyeing the nearly empty paper towel roll this is the convo:
    LIL MISS: ” Maaaa-aaahmm…please…it would be so funny to make some crap to put on someone’s chair tomorrow. Its never been done before…I think…at least not with fake turds. Can’t I just unroll ONE TP roll????”
    >>enter LM’s 19-year-old college-age bro>>”No way in haiiill…TP is expensive, and BTW, at least once a week the *alarm* probably sounds at the city waste treatment plant alerting them to a “biggee” coming on through. And its not the amount of TP if you get my drift.”
    HUBBY: “Jeeeezus. Is this where my law degree and your master’s degree has brought us? ”
    ME: “Listen hun-buns, that paper towel roll is at least three-turds-worth right there, and waiting will be so worth it.”
    HUBBY: “Turdsworth? Hey, wasn’t he a butler on that, you know..one movie?”
    ME: “Our family is so freakintastic.”

    So, from our home to yours, thank you for the laughter and tears. You make our life complete.

    Cheers!

  29. This is too funny! My children are all grown up and my only grandchild just turned one. But that didn’t stop me from making a little turd for my hubby to find. It turned out perfectly and I look forward to passing this craft down to my grandchild! Thanks for the laughs!

  30. This is AWESOME! I am totally going to try this …

    • When my hubby found it in the atrium he threw it out on the back deck! I innocently inquired how that poo goton the deck and he said, “It’s not poop, I think it’s a hair ball!”

  31. This is totally awesome. I know what my kids and I are going to be doing this weekend! Love!!!

  32. Hey Iris! Just thought I’d ask if you didn’t mind me featuring this wonderful tutorial in my 26 things to do with toilet rolls? I wonder if any of my followers have a sense of humour? LOL Hope you’re having a nice summer!

    Anne xx

    • Oh, of course Anne! Thanks for asking. I would be so proud for you to feature my pootorial on your blog. Much love from across the globe. XO – Leslie (Iris)

  33. I turn 50 in July and I’ma havin’ mea Turd Party! Thank you for making me LMAO!

  34. I am not a crafty person, so when I saw this I knew it would be a good way to spend a crafty evening with the 4 and 2 year old. My husband was out for the night so me and the kiddies made the “poop” in the sink. We had a blast trying to figure out where to hide it. It was on my husbands pillow, his ipad, his sink and finally ended up next to the toilet to keep him guessing if it was a child or the cat. He found it when he got home and told me someone pooped on the floor and used a bag to clean it up and actually washed my floor too! I walked in and pulled the turd out of the bag and sniffed it and I thought he was going to die. I haven’t laughed that much in a long time and you opened a door of possibilities so thank you!! Only problem is now the 2 year old is bringing me dog crap from the backyard….

  35. I am dying laughing. First at your comment about not liking to do crafts – especially with your kids. And at the fact that you did an entire instructional post about how to make a fake turd. Please move next door to me. The people are old. Possibly senile. They may never even notice.

  36. Very funny. I really enjoyed it!

  37. I.CAN’T.WAIT.FOR.THE.NEXT.TIME.I’M.AT.MY.GERMAPHOB.MOTHER IN LAW’S.

  38. Just whipped one of these up. Husband is all “why are you cackling in there? You’re making fake poop or snot or something, aren’t you.” (He knows me so well.) Squeezed it dry and presented it to my husband and 18 month old son. Son promptly grabbed it and bit it. I haven’t laughed so hard in weeks! Thank you! This is a skill that will serve me well.

  39. I just had to tell you how much I love this! I have an elderly cat who sometimes leaves a surprize for us to find after he has been left alone for a few days. My grandkids love coming in and doing a search, sometimes even being disappointed if they don’t find anything. My seven year old grandson asked why does Jack do this? I told him the the vet explained it may be separation anxiety, etc. (Eyeroll suppressed.) He sweetly said, “so Jack is making turd buddies to keep him company while you’re gone?” Anyway, I’m sure this is a craft they’ll love and can use to surprize their older sister and parents. Thank you!

  40. Oh, and do you remember the scene in Caddyshack where Bill Murray bites the tootsie roll at the bottom of the emptied pool to everyone’s horror? Endless possibilities with this idea and “Happy Times” as our little guy likes to say.

  41. For best effect with Tootsie Roles cut the Tootsie into uneven size chunks. Roll each chunk into a round shape then press them togeather and roll into long cylinder. When your buddy is not looking drop one in his beer / milk.

  42. Jessica Blankley

    April 21, 2014 at 9:33 am

    It’d be great if you’d turn off that click blocker. Not being able to open your articles in multiple tabs is quite annoying. -_-

    • Hi Jessica – thanks for the feedback. Click blocker? Not sure I understand. I do have a copyright protection plugin on my blog to keep people from copying content (it was a big problem for a while there), but I don’t think that impacts the ability to open multiple tabs. I usually set my links to open in multiple tabs so it’s easier for readers to get back to the page they started from, as that’s how I like to read blogs. Let me know if I’m misunderstanding you. I definitely don’t want to annoy readers! Thanks.

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